Title:       Alchemist, The
Book:        Introductory Note
Author:      Jonson, Ben
Date:        1614

Introductory Note

     Ben Jonson was born of poor parents at Westminster in 1573. Through the
influence of Camden, the antiquary, he got a good education at Westminster
School; but he does not seem to have gone to a University, though later both
Oxford and Cambridge gave him degrees. In his youth he practised for a time
his stepfather's trade of bricklaying, and he served as a soldier in
Flanders.

     It was probably about 1595 that he began to write for the stage, and
within a few years he was recognized as a distinguished playwright. His comedy
of "Every Man in His Humour" was not only a great immediate success, but
founded a school of satirical drama in England. "Sejanus" and "Catiline" were
less popular, but are impressive pictures of Roman life, less interesting but
more accurate than the Roman plays of Shakespeare.

     For the court of James I, Jonson wrote a large number of masques, which
procured him substantial rewards in the form of pensions.

     But it was between 1605 and 1614 that Jonson's greatest work was done.
"Volpone," "Epicoene," "The Alchemist," and "Bartholomew Fair" belong to this
period, and are all masterpieces.

     After the accession of Charles I, Jonson fell into adversity. His plays
were less successful and he had enemies at court; but he continued to hold his
position of leadership among his fellow authors.

     Jonson died in 1637, and was celebrated in a volume of elegies to which
all the chief poets of the day contributed.

     "The Alchemist" is perhaps the most perfect technically of Jonson's
plays, and is an admirable satire on the quacks and humbugs of the day. It
contains, at the same time so much universal human nature, and is so excellent
in art, that it holds a place among the first of those Elizabethan works that
have held the interest of posterity.


Argument

The sickness hot,^1 a master quit, for fear,
His house in town, and left one servant there;
Ease him corrupted, and gave means to know

[Footnote 1: The plague raging.]

A Cheater and his punk;^2 who now brought low,
Leaving their narrow practice, were become
Coz'ners^3 at large; and only wanting some
House to set up, with him they here contract,
Each for a share, and all begin to act.
Much company they draw, and much abuse,^4
In casting figures,^5 telling fortunes, news,
Selling of flies,^6 flat bawdry, with the stone,^7
Till it, and they, and all in fume^8 are gone.

[Footnote 2: Mistress.]

[Footnote 3: Swindlers.]

[Footnote 4: Deceive.]

[Footnote 5: Calculating the future.]

[Footnote 6: Familiar spirits.]

[Footnote 7: Philosopher's stone.]

[Footnote 8: Smoke.]


Prologue

Fortune, that favours fools, these two short hours
We wish away, both for your sakes and ours,
Judging spectators; and desire, in place,
To th' author justice, to ourselves but grace.
Our scene is London, 'cause we would make known,
No country's mirth is better than our own:
No clime breeds better matter for your whore,
Bawd, squire, impostor, many persons more,
Whose manners, now call'd humours, feed the stage;
And which have still been subject for the rage
Or spleen of comic writers. Though this pen
Did never aim to grieve, but better men;
Howe'er the age he lives in doth endure
The vices that she breeds, above their cure.
But when the wholesome remedies are sweet,
And in their working gain and profit meet,
He hopes to find no spirit so much diseas'd,
But will with such fair correctives be pleas'd:
For here he doth not fear who can apply.
If there be any that will sit so nigh
Unto the stream, to look what it doth run
They shall find things, they'd think or wish were done:
They are so natural follies, but so shown,
As even the doers may see, and yet not own.


Dramatis Personae

Subtle, the Alchemist.
Face, the House-keeper.
Dol Common, their colleague.
Dapper, a Lawyer's clerk.
Drugger, a Tobacco-man.
Lovewit, Master of the House.
Sir Epicure Mammon, a Knight.
Pertinax Surly, a Gamester.
Tribulation Wholesome, a Pastor of Amsterdam.
Ananias, a Deacon there.
Kastrill, the angry boy.
Dame Pliant, his sister, a Widow.
Neighbours.

Officers, Mutes.

Scene - London

Act I.

Scene I. A room in Lovewit's house.

     [Enter] Face [in a captain's uniform, with his sword drawn, and]
Subtle [with a vial, quarrelling, and followed by] Dol Common

     Face

     Believe't, I will.

     Sub. Thy worst.

     Dol. Have you your wits? why, gentlemen! for love -

     Face. Sirrah, I'll strip you -

     Sub. What to do?

     Face. Rogue, rogue! - out of all your sleights.^1

[Footnote 1: Drop your tricks.]

     Dol. Nay, look ye, sovereign, general, are you madmen?

     Sub. O, let the wild sheep loose. I'll gum your silks
With good strong water, an you come.

     Dol. Will you have
The neighbours hear you? Will you betray all?
Hark! I hear somebody.

     Face. Sirrah -

     Sub. I shall mar
All that the tailor has made if you approach.

     Face. You most notorious whelp, you insolent slave,
Dare you do this?

     Sub. Yes, faith; yes, faith.

     Face. Why, who
Am I, my mongrel, who am I?

     Sub. I'll tell you.,
Since you know not yourself.

     Face. Speak lower, rogue.

     Sub. Yes, you were once (time's not long past) the good,
Honest, plain, livery-three-pound-thrum,^2 that kept
Your master's worship's house here in the Friars,^3
For the vacations -

[Footnote 2: Poorly paid servant.]

[Footnote 3: The precinct of Blackfriars.]

     Face. Will you be so loud?

     Sub. Since, by my means, translated suburb-captain.

     Face. By your means, doctor dog!

     Sub. Within man's memory,
All this I speak of.

     Face. Why, I pray you, have I
Been countenanc'd by you, or you by me?
Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.

     Sub. I do not hear well.

     Face. Not of this, I think it.
But I shall put you in mind, sir; - at Pie-corner,
Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks' stalls,
Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk
Piteously costive, with your pinch'd-horn-nose,
And your complexion of the Roman wash,^4
Stuck full of black and melancholic worms,
Like powder-corns^5 shot at the artillery-yard.

[Footnote 4: i.e., sallow.]

[Footnote 5: Grains of powder.]

     Sub. I wish you could advance your voice a little.

     Face. When you went pinn'd up in the several rags;
You had rak'd and pick'd from dunghills, before day;
Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;^6
A felt of rug,^7 and a thin threaden cloak,
That scarce would cover your no-buttocks -

[Footnote 6: Chilblains.]

[Footnote 7: A hat of coarse material.]

     Sub. So, sir!

     Face. When all your alchemy, and your algebra,
Your minerals, vegetals, and animals,
Your conjuring, coz'ning; and your dozen of trades,
Could not relieve your corpse with so much linen
Would make you tinder, but to see a fire;
I ga' you count'nance, credit for your coals,
Your stills, your glasses, your materials;
Built you a furnace, drew you customers,
Advanc'd all your black arts; lent you, beside,
A house to practise in -

     Sub. Your master's house!

     Face. Where you have studied the more thriving skill
Of bawdry since.

     Sub. Yes, in your master's house.
You and the rats here kept possession.
Make it not strange.^9 I know you were one could keep
The buttery-hatch still lock'd, and save the chippings,
Sell the dole beer to aqua-vitae men,^10
The which, together with your Christmas vails^11
At post-and-pair,^12 your letting out of counters,^13
Made you a pretty stock, some twenty marks,
And gave you credit to converse with cobwebs,
Here, since your mistress' death hath broke up house.

[Footnote 9: Don't pretend to forget.]

[Footnote 10: Sell the beer intended for the poor to liquor-dealers.]

[Footnote 11: Tips.]

[Footnote 12: A game of cards.]

[Footnote 13: i.e., to the card-players.]

     Face. You might talk softlier, rascal.

     Sub. No, you scarab,
I'll thunder you in pieces: I will teach you
How to beware to tempt a Fury again
That carries tempest in his hand and voice.

     Face. The place has made you valiant.

     Sub. No, your clothes.
Thou vermin, have I ta'en thee out of dung,
So poor, so wretched, when no living thing
Would keep thee company, but a spider or worse?
Rais'd thee from brooms, and dust, and wat'ring-pots,

Sublim'd thee, and exalted thee, and fix'd thee
In the third region,^14 call'd our state of grace?
Wrought thee to spirit, to quintessence, with pains
Would twice have won me the philosopher's work?
Put thee in words and fashion, made thee fit
For more than ordinary fellowships?
Giv'n thee thy oaths, thy quarelling dimensions,
Thy rules to cheat, at horse-race, cock-pit, cards,
Dice, or whatever gallant tincture^15 else?
Made thee a second in mine own great art?
And have I this for thanks! Do you rebel?
Do you fly out i' the projection?^16
Would you be gone now?

[Footnote 14: Technical jargon of alchemy.]

[Footnote 15: Accomplishment.]

[Footnote 16: At the moment when success is near.]

     Dol. Gentlemen, what mean you?
Will you mar all?

     Sub. Slave, thou hadst had no name -

     Dol. Will you undo yourselves with civil war?

     Sub. Never been known, past equi clibanum,
The heat of horse-dung, under ground, in cellars,
Or an ale-house darker than deaf John's; been lost
To all mankind, but laundresses and tapsters,
Had not I been.

     Dol. Do you know who hears you, sovereign?

     Face. Sirrah -

     Dol. Nay, general, I thought you were civil.

     Face. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus loud.

     Sub. And hang thyself, I care not.

     Face. Hang thee, collier,
And all thy pots and pans, in picture, I will,
Since thou hast mov'd me -

     Dol. [Aside] O, this'll o'erthrow all.

     Face. Write thee up bawd in Paul's, have all thy tricks
Of coz'ning with a hollow coal, dust, scrapings,
Searching for things lost, with a sieve and shears,
Erecting figures in your rows of houses,^17

[Footnote 17: Astrological tricks.]

And taking in of shadows with a glass,
Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee,
Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey's.^18

[Footnote 18: A notorious highwayman.]

     Dol. Are you sound?
Ha' you your senses, masters?

     Face. I will have
A book, but barely reckoning thy impostures,
Shall prove a true philosopher's stone to printers.

     Sub. Away, you trencher-rascal!

     Face. Out, you dog-leech!
The vomit of all prisons -

     Dol. Will you be
Your own destructions, gentlemen?

     Face. Still spew'd out
For lying too heavy on the basket.^19

[Footnote 19: Eating more than his share of rations.]

     Sub. Cheater!

     Face. Bawd!

     Sub. Cow-herd!

     Face. Conjurer!

     Sub. Cutpurse!

     Face. Witch!

     Dol. O me!
We are ruin'd, lost! Ha' you no more regard
To your reputations? Where's your judgment? 'Slight,
Have yet some care of me, o' your republic -

     Face. Away, this brach!^20 I'll bring thee, rogue, within
The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio
Of Harry the Eighth:^21 ay, and perhaps thy neck
Within a noose, for laund'ring gold and barbing it.^22

[Footnote 20: Bitch.]

[Footnote 21: 33 Henry VIII, the first act against witchcraft in England.]

[Footnote 22: "Sweating" and clipping the coinage.]

     Dol. You'll bring your head within a cockscomb,^23 will you?

[Footnote 23: Halter.]

     She catcheth out Face his sword, and breaks

     Subtle's glass.

And you, sir, with your menstrue!^24 - Gather it up.

[Footnote 24: A liquid which dissolves solids.]

'Sdeath, you abominable pair of stinkards,
Leave off your barking, and grow one again,
Or, by the light that shines, I'll cut your throats.
I'll not be made a prey unto the marshal
For ne'er a snarling dog-bolt of you both.
Ha' you together cozen'd all this while,
And all the world, and shall it now be said,
You've made most courteous shift to cozen yourselves?

     [To Face.] You will accuse him! You will "bring him in

Within the statute!" Who shall take your word?
A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain,
Whom not a Puritan in Blackfriars will trust
So much as for a feather: and you, too, [to Subtle.]
Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult,
And claim a primacy in the divisions!
You must be chief! As if you only had
The powder to project^25 with, and the work
Were not begun out of equality!
The venture tripartite! All things in common!
Without priority! 'Sdeath! you perpetual curs,
Fall to your couples again, and cozen kindly,
And heartily, and lovingly, as you should,
And lose not the beginning of a term,
Or, by this hand, I shall grow factious too,
And take my part, and quit you.

[Footnote 25: Transmute metals.]

     Face. 'Tis his fault;
He ever murmurs, and objects his pains,
And says, the weight of all lies upon him.

     Sub. Why, so it does.

     Dol. How does it? Do not we
Sustain our parts?

     Sub. Yes, but they are not equal.

     Dol. Why, if your part exceed today, I hope
Ours may tomorrow match it.

     Sub. Ay, they may.

     Dol. May, murmuring mastiff! Ay, and do. Death on me!
Help me to throttle him. [Seizes Sub. by the throat.]

     Sub. Dorothy! Mistress Dorothy!
'Ods precious, I'll do anything. What do you mean?

     Dol. Because o' your fermentation and cibation?^26

[Footnote 26: Alchemical terms.]

     Sub. Not I, by heaven -

     Dol. Your Sol and Luna - help me.

     [To Face.]

     Sub. Would I were hang'd then! I'll conform myself.

     Dol. Will you, sir? Do so then, and quickly: swear.

     Sub. What should I swear?

     Dol. To leave your faction, sir,
And labour kindly in the common work.

     Sub. Let me not breathe if I meant aught beside.
I only us'd those speeches as a spur
To him.

     Dol. I hope we need no spurs, sir. Do we?

     Face. 'Slid, prove today who shall shark best.

     Sub. Agreed.

     Dol. Yes, and work close and friendly.

     Sub. 'Slight, the knot
Shall grow the stronger for this breach, with me.

     [They shake hands.]

     Dol. Why, so, my good baboons! Shall we go make
A sort of sober, scurvy, precise neighbours,
That scarce have smil'd twice sin' the king came in,^27
A feast of laughter at our follies? Rascals,
Would run themselves from breath, to see me ride,
Or you t'have but a hole to thrust your heads in,^28
For which you should pay ear-rent?^29 No, agree.
And may Don Provost ride a feasting long,
In his old velvet jerkin and stain'd scarfs,
My noble sovereign, and worthy general,
Ere we contribute a new crewel^30 garter
To his most worsted^30 worship.

[Footnote 27: Seven years before.]

[Footnote 28: In the pillory.]

[Footnote 29: Have your ears cut off.]

[Footnote 30: Familiar puns.]

     Sub. Royal Dol!

Spoken like Claridiana,^31 and thyself.

[Footnote 31: The heroine of the "Mirror of Knighthood."]

     Face. For which at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph,
And not be styl'd Dol Common, but Dol Proper,
Dol Singular: the longest cut at night,
Shall draw thee for his Dol Particular. [Bell rings without.]

     Sub. Who's that? One rings. To the window, Dol:
[Exit Dol.] - pray  heav'n,
The master do not trouble us this quarter.

     Face. O, fear not him. While there dies one a week
O' the plague, he's safe from thinking toward London.
Beside, he's busy at his hop-yards now;
I had a letter from him. If he do,
He'll send such word, for airing o' the house,
As you shall have sufficient time to quit it:
Though we break up a fortnight, 'tis no matter.

     Re-enter Dol

     Sub. Who is it, Dol?

     Dol. A fine young quodling.^32

[Footnote 32: Green apple, a youth.]

     Face.
My lawyer's clerk, I lighted on last night,
In Holborn, at the Dagger. He would have
(I told you of him) a familiar,
To rifle with at horses, and win cups.

     Dol. O, let him in.

     Sub. Stay. Who shall do't?

     Face. Get you
Your robes on; I will meet him, as going out.

     Dol. And what shall I do?

     Face. Not be seen; away! [Exit Dol.]
Seem you very reserv'd.

     Sub. Enough.

     [Exit.]

     Face. [aloud and retiring.] God be wi' you, sir,
I pray you let him know that I was here:
His name is Dapper. I would gladly have staid, but -


Scene II. The Same.

[Footnote 1: The scene-divisions are Jonson's.]

Face, alone

     Dap. [within.] Captain, I am here.

     Face. Who's that? - He's come, I think, doctor.

     [Enter Dapper]

Good faith, sir, I was going away.

     Dap. In truth
I am very sorry, captain.

     Face. But I thought
Sure I should meet you.

     Dap. Ay, I am very glad.
I had a scurvy writ or two to make,
And I had lent my watch last night to one
That dines today at the sheriff's, and so was robb'd
Of my pass-time.^2

[Footnote 2: Watch.]

     [Re-enter Subtle in his velvet cap and gown]

     Is this the cunning-man?

     Face. This is his worship.

     Dap. Is he a doctor?

     Face. Yes.

     Dap. And ha' you broke^3 with him, captain?

[Footnote 3: Opened the matter.]

     Face. Ay.

     Dap. And how?

     Face. Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so dainty,^4
I know not what to say.

[Footnote 4: Has such scruples.]

     Dap. Not so, good captain.

     Face. Would I were fairly rid on't, believe me.

     Dap. Nay, now you grieve me, sir. Why should you wish so?
I dare assure you, I'll not be ungrateful.

     Face. I cannot think you will, sir. But the law
Is such a thing - and then he says, Read's^5 matter
Falling so lately.

[Footnote 5: A magician recently convicted.]

     Dap. Read! he was an ass,
And dealt, sir, with a fool.

     Face. It was a clerk, sir.

     Dap. A clerk!

     Face. Nay, hear me, sir. You know the law
Better, I think -

     Dap. I should, sir, and the danger:
You know, I show'd the statute to you.

     Face. You did so.

     Dap. And will I tell then! By this hand of flesh,
Would it might never write good courthand more,
If discover.^6 What do you think of me,
That I am a chiaus?^7

[Footnote 6: Reveal.]

[Footnote 7: A Turkish interpreter, like the one who had recently cheated some
merchants.]

     Face. What's that?

     Dap. The Turk was, here -
As one would say, do you think I am a Turk?

     Face. I'll tell the doctor so.

     Dap. Do, good sweet captain.

     Face. Come, noble doctor, pray thee let's prevail;
This is the gentleman, and he is no chiaus.

     Sub. Captain, I have return'd you all my answer.
I would do much, sir, for your love - But this
I neither may, nor can.

     Face. Tut, do not say so.
You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor,
One that will thank you richly; and he is no chiaus:
Let that, sir, move you.

     Sub. Pray you, forbear -

     Face. He has
Four angels here.

     Sub. You do me wrong, good sir.

     Face. Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits?

     Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my peril.
'Fore heav'n, I scarce can think you are my friend,
That so would draw me to apparent danger.

     Face. I draw you! A horse draw you, and a halter,
You, and your flies^8 together -

[Footnote 8: Familiar spirits.]

     Dap. Nay, good captain.

     Face. That know no difference of men.

     Sub. Good words, sir.

     Face. Good deeds, sir, doctor dogs'-meat. 'Slight, I bring you
No cheating Clim o' the Cloughs^9 or Claribels,^10
That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;^11
And spit out secrets like hot custard -

[Footnote 9: An outlaw hero.]

[Footnote 10: Probably a hero of ramance. The name occurs in Spenser.]

[Footnote 11: Five-and-fifty was the highest number to stand on at the old
game of Primero. If a flush accompanied this, the hand swept the table. -
Gifford.]

     Dap. Captain!

     Face. Nor any melancholic underscribe,
Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle,
That is the heir to forty marks a year,
Consorts with the small poets of the time,
Is the sole hope of his old grandmother;
That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands,
Is a fine clerk, and has his ciph'ring perfect.
Will take his oath o' the Greek Xenophon,^12
If need be, in his pocket; and can court
His mistress out of Ovid.

[Footnote 12: The Quarto reads Testament.]

     Dap. Nay, dear captain -

     Face. Did you not tell me so?

     Dap. Yes; but I'd ha' you
Use master doctor with some more respect.

     Face. Hang him, proud stag, with his broad velvet head! -
But for your sake, I'd choke ere I would change
An article of breath with such a puck-fist^13
Come, let's be gone. [Going]

[Footnote 13: Niggard.]

     Sub. Pray you le' me speak with you.

     Dap. His worship calls you, captain.

     Face. I am sorry
I e'er embark'd myself in such a business.

     Dap. Nay, good sir; he did call you.

     Face. Will he take then?

     Sub. First, hear me -

     Face. Not a syllable, 'less you take.

     Sub. Pray ye, sir -

     Face. Upon no terms but an assumpsit.^14

[Footnote 14: That he has undertaken the affair.]

     Sub. Your humour must be law. He takes the money.

     Face. Why now, sir, talk.
Now I dare hear you with mine honour. Speak.
So may this gentleman too.

     Sub. Why, sir - [Offering to whisper Face.]

     Face. No whispering.

     Sub. 'Fore heav'n, you do not apprehend the loss
You do yourself in this.

     Face. Wherein? for what?

     Sub. Marry, to be so importunate for one
That, when he has it, will undo you all:
He'll win up all the money i' the town.

     Face. How?

     Sub. Yes, and blow up gamester after gamester,
As they do crackers in a puppet-play.
If I do give him a familiar,
Give you him all you play for; never set^15 him:
For he will have it.

[Footnote 15: Stake against.]

     Face. You're mistaken, doctor.
Why, he does ask one but for cups and horses,
A rifling^16 fly; none o' your great familiars.

[Footnote 16: To be used in raffles.]

     Dap. Yes, captain, I would have it for all games.

     Sub. I told you so.

     Face. [taking Dap. aside.] 'Slight, that is a new business!
I understood you, a tame bird, to fly
Twice in a term, or so, on Friday nights,

When you had left the office; for a nag
Of forty or fifty shillings.

     Dap. Ay, 'tis true, sir;

But I do think, now, I shall leave the law,
And therefore -

     Face. Why, this changes quite the case.

Do you think that I dare move him?

     Dap. If you please, sir;
All's one to him, to see.

     Face. What! for that money?
I cannot with my conscience; nor should you
Make the request, methinks.

     Dap. No, sir, I mean
To add consideration.

     Face. Why then, sir,
I'll try. [Goes to Subtle.] Say that it were for all games, doctor?

     Sub. I say then, not a mouth shall eat for him
At any ordinary,^17 but on the score,^18
That is a gaming mouth, conceive me.

[Footnote 17: Table d'hote restaurant.]

[Footnote 18: The gamblers (who frequented ordinaries) will be so impoverished
through his winnings that they will have to eat on credit.]

     Face. Indeed!

     Sub. He'll draw you all the treasure of the realm,
If it be set him.

     Face. Speak you this from art?

     Sub. Ay, sir, and reason too, the ground of art.
He is of the only best complexion,
The queen of Fairy loves.

     Face. What! is he?

     Sub. Peace.
He'll overhear you. Sir, should she but see him -

     Face. What?

     Sub. Do not you tell him.

     Face. Will he win at cards too?

     Sub. The spirits of dead Holland, living Isaac,^19

[Footnote 19: Supposed to refer to two alchemists, but the dates do not
agree.]

You'd swear, were in him; such a vigorous lack
As cannot be resisted. 'Slight, he'll put
Six of your gallants to a cloak,^20 indeed.

[Footnote 20: Strip to the cloak.]

     Face. A strange success, that some man shall be born to!

     Sub. He hears you, man -

     Dap. Sir, I'll not be ingrateful.

     Face. Faith, I have confidence in his good nature:
You hear, he says he will not be ingrateful.

     Sub. Why, as you please; my venture follows yours.

     Face. Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty, and make him.
He may make us both happy in an hour;
Win some five thousand pound, and send us two on't.

     Dap. Believe it, and I will, sir.

     Face. And you shall, sir.
You have heard all?

     Dap. No, what was't? Nothing, I, sir.
Face takes him aside.

     Face. Nothing!

     Dap. A little, sir.

     Face. Well, a rare star
Reign'd at you birth.

     Dap. At mine, sir! No.

     Face. The doctor
Swears that you are -

     Sub. Nay, captain, you'll tell all now.

     Face. Allied to the queen of Fairy.

     Dap. Who! That I am?
Believe it, no such matter -

     Face. Yes, and that
You were born with a caul on your head.

     Dap. Who says so?

     Face. Come,
You know it well enough, though you dissemble it.

     Dap. I' fac,^21 I do not; you are mistaken.

[Footnote 21: Faith.]

     Face. How!
Swear by your fac,^21 and in a thing so known
Unto the doctor? How shall we, sir, trust you
I' the other matter; can we ever think,
When you have won five or six thousand pound,
You'll send us shares in't by this rate?

[Footnote 21: Faith.]

     Dap. By Jove, sir,
I'll win ten thousand pound, and send you half.
I' fac's no oath.

     Sub. No, no, he did but jest.

     Face. Go to. Go thank the doctor: he's your friend,
To take it so.

     Dap. I thank his worship.

     Face. So!
Another angel.

     Dap. Must I?

     Face. Must you! 'slight,
What else is thanks? Will you be trivial? - Doctor,

     [Dapper gives him the money.]

When must he come for his familiar?

     Dap. Shall I not ha' it with me?

     Sub. O, good sir!
There must a world of ceremonies pass;
You must be bath'd and fumigated first:
Besides, the queen of Fairy does not rise
Till it be noon.

     Face. Not if she danc'd to-night.

     Sub. And she must bless it.

     Face. Did you never see
Her royal grace yet?

     Dap. Whom?

     Face. Your aunt of Fairy?

     Sub. Not since she kist him in the cradle, captain;
I can resolve you that.

     Face. Well, see her grace,
Whate'er it cost you, for a thing that I know.
It will be somewhat hard to compass; but
However, see her. You are made, believe it,
If you can see her. Her grace is a lone woman,
And very rich; and if she take a fancy,
She will do strange things. See her, at any hand.
'Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has:
It is the doctor's fear.

     Dap. How will't be done, then?

     Face. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you
But say to me, "Captain, I'll see her grace."

     Dap. "Captain, I'll see her grace."

     Face. Enough. One knocks without.

     Sub. Who's there?

Anon. - [Aside to Face.] Conduct him forth by the back way.
- Sir, against one o'clock prepare yourself;
Till when you must be fasting; only take
Three drops of vinegar in at your nose,
Two at your mouth, and one at either ear;
Then bathe your fingers' ends and wash your eyes,
To sharpen your five senses, and cry hum
Thrice, and then buz as often; and then come.

     [Exit.]

     Face. Can you remember this?

     Dap. I warrant you.

     Face. Well then, away. It is but your bestowing
Some twenty nobles 'mong her grace's servants,
And put on a clean shirt. You do not know
What grace her grace may do you in clean linen.

     [Exeunt Face and Dapper.]


Scene III. The same.

     Sub. [Within.] Come in! Good wives, I pray you forbear me now;
Troth, I can do you no good till afternoon -

     [Enter Subtle, followed by Drugger]

     Sub. What is your name, say you? Abel Drugger?

     Drug. Yes, sir.

     Sub. A seller of tobacco?

     Drug. Yes, sir.

     Sub. Umph!
Free of the grocers?^1

[Footnote 1: i.e., a member of the Grocers' Company.]

     Drug. Ay, an't please you.

     Sub. Well -
Your business, Abel?

     Drug. This, an't please your worship;
I am a young beginner, and am building
Of a new shop, an't like your worship, just
At corner of a street: - Here is the plot^2 on't -
And I would know by art, sir, of your worship,
Which way I should make my door, by necromancy,
And where my shelves; and which should be for boxes,
And which for pots. I would be glad to thrive, sir:
And I was wish'd^3 to your worship by a gentleman,
One Captain Face, that says you know men's planets,
And their good angels, and their bad.

[Footnote 2: Plan.]

[Footnote 3: Recommended.]

     Sub. I do,
If I do see 'em -

     [Enter Face]

     Face. What! my honest Abel?
Though art well met here.

     Drug. Troth, sir, I was speaking,
Just as your worship came here, of your worship:
I pray you speak for me to master doctor.

     Face. He shall do anything. Doctor, do you hear?
This is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow;
He lets me have good tobacco, and he does not
Sophisticate it with sack-lees or oil,
Nor washes it in muscadel and grains,
Nor buries it in gravel, under ground,
Wrapped up in greasy leather, or piss'd clouts:
But keeps it in fine lily pots, that, open'd,
Smell like conserve of roses, or French beans.

He has his maple block,^4 his silver tongs,
Winchester pipes, and fire of juniper:^5
A neat, spruce, honest fellow, and no goldsmith.^6

[Footnote 4: On which tobacco was shredded.]

[Footnote 5: The coals of which were used to light pipes.]

[Footnote 6: Usurer.]

     Sub. He's a fortunate fellow, that I am sure on.

     Face. Already, sir, ha' you found it? Lo thee, Abel!

     Sub. And in right way toward riches -

     Face. Sir!

     Sub. This summer.
He will be of the clothing of his company,^7
And next spring call'd to the scarlet;^8 spend what he can.

[Footnote 7: Wear the livery.]

[Footnote 8: Be sheriff.]

     Face. What, and so little beard?

     Sub. Sir, you must think,
He may have a receipt to make hair come:
But he'll be wise, preserve his youth, and fine for't;
His fortune looks for him another way.

     Face. 'Slid, doctor, how canst thou know this so soon?
I am amus'd^9 at that.

[Footnote 9: Amazed.]

     Sub. By a rule, captain,
In metoposcopy,^10 which I do work by;
A certain star i' the forehead, which you see not.
Your chestnut or your olive-colour'd face
Does never fail: and your long ear doth promise.
I knew't, by certain spots, too, in his teeth,
And on the nail of his mercurial finger.

[Footnote 10: A branch of physiognomy.]

     Face. Which finger's that?

     Sub. His little finger. Look.
You were born upon a Wednesday?

     Drug. Yes, indeed, sir.

     Sub. The thumb, in chiromancy, we give Venus;
The forefinger to Jove; the midst to Saturn;
The ring to Sol; the least to Mercury,
Who was the lord, sir, of his horoscope,
His house of life being Libra; which foreshow'd
He should be a merchant, and should trade with balance.

     Face. Why, this is strange! Is it not, honest Nab?

     Sub. There is a ship now coming from Ormus,
That shall yield him such a commodity
Of drugs - This is the west, and this the south?

     [Pointing to the plan.]

     Drug. Yes, sir.

     Sub. And those are your two sides?

     Drug. Ay, sir.

     Sub. Make me your door then, south; your broad side, west:
And on the east side of your shop, aloft,
Write Mathlai, Tarmiel, and Baraborat;
Upon the north part, Rael, Velel, Thiel.
They are the names of those Mercurial spirits
That do fright flies from boxes.

     Drug. Yes, sir.

     Sub. And
Beneath your threshold, bury me a loadstone
To draw in gallants that wear spurs: the rest,
They'll seem^11 to follow.

[Footnote 11: Be seen.]

     Face. That's a secret, Nab!

     Sub. And, on your stall, a puppet, with a vice
And a court-fucus,^12 to call city-dames:
You shall deal much with minerals.

[Footnote 12: Paint for the face.]

     Drug. Sir, I have.
At home, already -

     Sub. Ay, I know you have arsenic,
Vitriol, sal-tartar, argaile,^13 alkali,
Cinoper:^14 I know all. - This fellow, captain,
Will come, in time, to be a great distiller,
And give a say^15 - I will not say directly,
But very fair - at the philosopher's stone.

[Footnote 13: Tartar deposited by wine.]

[Footnote 14: Cinnabar, mercuric sulphid.]

[Footnote 15: Assay.]

     Face. Why, how now, Abel! is this true?

     Drug. [Aside to Face] Good captain,
What must I give?

     Face. Nay, I'll not counsel thee.

Thou hear'st what wealth (he says, spend what thou canst),
Thou'rt like to come to.

     Drug. I would gi' him a crown.

     Face. A crown! and toward such a fortune? Heart,
Thou shalt rather gi' him thy shop. No gold about thee?

     Drug. Yes, I have a portague,^16 I ha' kept this half-year.

[Footnote 16: A gold coin worth about three pounds twelve shillings.]

     Face. Out on thee, Nab! 'Slight, there was such an offer -
Shalt keep't no longer, I'll give't him for thee. Doctor,
Nab prays your worship to drink this, and swears
He will appear more grateful, as your skill
Does raise him in the world.

     Drug. I would entreat
Another favour of his worship.

     Face. What is't, Nab?

     Drug. But to look over, sir, my almanac,
And cross out my ill-days,^17 that I may neither
Bargain, nor trust upon them.

[Footnote 17: Unlucky days.]

     Face. That he shall, Nab:
Leave it, it shall be done, 'gainst afternoon.

     Sub. And a direction for his shelves.

     Face. Now, Nab,
Art thou well pleas'd, Nab?

     Drug. 'Thank, sir, both your worships.

     Face. Away. [Exit Drugger.]
Why, now, you smoaky persecutor of nature!
Now do you see, that something's to be done,
Beside your beech-coal, and your cor'sive^18 waters,
Your crosslets,^19 crucibles, and cucurbites?^20
You must have stuff, brought home to you, to work on:
And yet you think, I am at no expense
In searching out these veins, then following them,
Then trying 'em out. 'Fore God, my intelligence
Costs me more money than my share oft comes to,
In these rare works.

[Footnote 18: Corrosive.]

[Footnote 19: Crucibles.]

[Footnote 20: Glass retort, shaped like a gourd.]

     Sub. You're pleasant, sir. - How now!


Scene IV. The same.

     Face. Subtle. [Enter] Dol

     Sub. What says my dainty Dolkin?

     Dol. Yonder fish-wife
Will not away. And there's your giantess,
The bawd of Lambeth.

     Sub. Heart, I cannot speak with 'em.

     Dol. Not afore night, I have told 'em in a voice,
Thorough the trunk, like one of your familiars.
But I have spied Sir Epicure Mammon -

     Sub. Where?

     Dol. Coming along, at far end of the lane,
Slow of his feet, but earnest of his tongue
To one that's with him.

     Sub. Face, go you and shift.

     Dol, you must presently make ready too.

     [Exit Face]

     Dol. Why, what's the matter?

     Sub. O, I did look for him
With the sun's rising: marvel he could sleep.
This is the day I am to perfect for him
The magisterium, our great work, the stone;
And yield it, made, into his hands: of which
He has, this month, talk'd as he were possess'd.
And now he's dealing pieces on't away.
Methinks I see him ent'ring ordinaries,
Dispensing for the pox, and plaguy houses,
Reaching his dose, walking Moorfields for lepers,
And off'ring citizens' wives pomander^1 - bracelets,
As his preservative, made of the elixir;
Searching the spittle, to make old bawds young;
And the highways, for beggars, to make rich.
I see no end of his labours. He will make
Nature asham'd of her long sleep: when art,
Who's but a step-dame, shall do more than she,

[Footnote 1: A ball of perfume carried against infection.]

In her best love to mankind, ever could.
If his dream last, he'll turn the age to gold.

     [Exeunt.]

Act II.

Scene I. An outer room in Lovewit's house.

     [Enter] Sir Epicure Mammon and Surly

     Mam. Come on, sir. Now you set your foot on shore
In Novo Orbe,^1 here's the rich Peru:
And there within, sir, are the golden mines,
Great Solomon's Ophir! He was sailing to't
Three years, but we have reach'd it in ten months.
This is the day wherein, to all my friends,
I will pronounce the happy word, Be rich;
This day you shall be spectatissimi.^2
You shall no more deal with the hollow die,
Or the frail card. No more be at charge of keeping
The livery-punk^3 for the young heir, that must
Seal, at all hours, in his shirt: no more,
If he deny, ha' him beaten to't, as he is
That brings him the commodity. No more
Shall thirst of satin, or the covetous hunger
Of velvet entrails^4 for a rude-spun cloak,
To be display'd at Madam Augusta's, make
The sons of Sword and Hazard fall before
The golden calf, and on their knees, whole nights,
Commit idolatry with wine and trumpets:
Or go a feasting after drum and ensign.
No more of this. You shall start up young viceroys.
And unto thee I speak it first, Be rich.
Where is my Subtle, there? Within, ho!

[Footnote 1: The New World.]

[Footnote 2: Most gazed at.]

[Footnote 3: Female accomplice in swindling heirs out of property.]

[Footnote 4: Lining.]

     [Face, within.] Sir,
He'll come to you by and by.

     Mam. That is his fire-drake,^5
His Lungs, his Zephyrus, he that puffs his coals,

[Footnote 5: Dragon.]

Till he firk^6 nature up, in her own centre.
You are not faithful,^7 sir. This night I'll change
All that is metal in my house to gold:
And, early in the morning, will I send
To all the plumbers and the pewterers,
And by their tin and lead up; and to Lothbury
For all the copper.

[Footnote 6: Stir, rouse.]

[Footnote 7: Believing.]

     Sur. What, and turn that, too?

     Mam. Yes, and I'll purchase Devonshire and Cornwall,
And make them perfect Indies! You admire now?

     Sur. No, faith.

     Mam. But when you see th' effects of the Great Med'cine,
Of which one part projected on a hundred
Of Mercury, or Venus, or the moon,
Shall turn it to as many of the sun;^8
Nay, to a thousand, so ad infinitum:
You will believe me.

[Footnote 8: Turn mercury, copper, or silver into gold.]

     Sur. Yes, when I see't, I will.
But if my eyes do cozen me so, and I
Giving them no occasion, sure I'll have
Them out next day.

     Mam. Ha! Why?
Do you think I fable with you? I assure you,
He that has once the flo
er of the sun,
The perfect ruby, which we call elixir,
Not only can do that, but by its virtue,
Can confer honour, love, respect, long life;
Give safety, valour, yea, and victory,
To whom he will. In eight and twenty days,
I'll make an old man of fourscore, a child.

     Sur. No doubt; he's that already.

     Mam. Nay, I mean,
Restore his years, renew him, like an eagle,
To the fifth age; make him get sons and daughters,
Young giants; as our philosophers have done,
The ancient partriarchs, afore the flood,

But taking, once a week, on a knife's point,
The quantity of a grain of mustard of it;
Become stout Marses, and beget young Cupids.

     Sur. The decay'd vestals of Pickt-hatch^9 would thank you,
That keep the fire alive there.

[Footnote 9: A disreputable locality.]

     Mam. 'Tis the secret
Of nature naturiz'd'gainst all infections,
Cures all diseases coming of all causes;
A month's grief in a day, a year's in twelve;
And, of what age soever, in a month:
Past all the doses of your drugging doctors.
I'll undertake, withal, to fright the plague
Out o' the kingdom in three months.

     Sur. And I'll
Be bound, the players shall sing your praises then,
Without their poets.^10

[Footnote 10: The theatres were closed when the plague was prevalent.]

     Mam. Sir, I'll do't. Meantime,
I'll give away so much unto my man,
Shall serve th' whole city with preservative
Weekly; each house his dose, and at the rate a -

     Sur. As he that built the Water-work does with water?

     Mam. You are incredulous.

     Sur. Faith, I have a humour,
I would not willingly be gull'd.^11 Your stone
Cannot transmute me.

[Footnote 11: Fooled.]

     Mam. Pertinax Surly,
Will you believe antiquity? Records?
I'll show you a book where Moses, and his sister,
And Solomon have written of the art;
Ay, and a treatise penn'd by Adam -

     Sur. How!

     Mam. Of the philosopher's stone, and in High Dutch.

     Sur. Did Adam write, sir, in High Dutch?

     Mam. He did;
Which proves it was the primitive tongue.

     Sur. What paper?

     Mam. On cedar board.

     Sur. O that, indeed, they say,
Will last 'gainst worms.

     Mam. 'Tis like your Irish wood,
'Gainst cobwebs. I have a piece of Jason's fleece too,
Which was no other than a book of alchemy,
Writ in large sheepskin, a good fat ram-vellum.
Such was Pythagoras' thigh, Pandora's tub,
And all that fable of Medea's charms,
The manner of our work; the bulls, our furnace,
Still breathing fire; our argent-vive,^12 the dragon:
The dragon's teeth, mercury sublimate,
That keeps the whiteness, hardness, and the biting;
And they are gather'd into Jason's helm,
The alembic, and then sow'd in Mars his field,
And thence sublim'd so often, till they're fix'd.
Both this, th' Hesperian garden, Cadmus' story,
Jove's shower, the boon of Midas, Argus' eyes,
Boccace his Demogorgon,^13 thousands more,
All abstract riddles of our stone. - How now!

[Footnote 12: Quick-silver.]

[Footnote 13: According to Boccaccio, the ancestor of all the gods.]


Scene II. The same.

     Mammon, Surly. [Enter] Face, [as a Servant]

     Mam. Do we succeed? Is our day come? And holds it?

     Face. The evening will set red upon you, sir;
You have colour for it, crimson: the red ferment
Has done his office; three hours hence prepare you
To see projection.

     Mam. Pertinax, my Surly.
Again I say to thee, aloud, Be Rich.
This day thou shalt have ingots; and tomorrow
Give lords th' affront. - Is it, my Zephyrus, right?
Blushes the bolt's-head?^1

[Footnote 1: A kind of flask.]

     Face. Like a wench with child, sir,
That were but now discover'd to her master.

     Mam. Excellent witty Lungs! - My only care is
Where to get stuff enough now, to project on;^2
This town will not half serve me.

[Footnote 2: Transmute.]

     Face. No, sir! buy
The covering off o' churches.

     Mam. That's true.

     Face. Yes.
Let 'em stand bare, as do their auditory;^3
Or cap 'em new with shingles.

[Footnote 3: Congregation.]

     Mam. No, good thatch:
Thatch will lie light upo' the rafters, Lungs. -
Lungs, I will manumit thee from the furnace;
I will restore thee thy complexion, Puff,
Lost in the embers; and repair this brain,
Hurt with the fume o' the metals.

     Face. I have blown, sir,
Hard, for your worship; thrown by many a coal,
When 'twas not beech; weigh'd those I put in, just,
To keep your heat still even. These blear'd eyes
Have wak'd to read your several colours, sir,
Of the pale citron, the green lion, the crow,
The peacock's tail, the plumed swan.

     Mam. And lastly,
Thou hast descried the flower, the sanguis agni?

     Face. Yes, sir.

     Mam. Where's master?

     Face. At's prayers, sir, he;
Good man, he's doing his devotions
For the success.

     Mam. Lungs, I will set a period
To all thy labours; thou shalt be the master
Of my seraglio.

     Face. Good, sir.

     Mam. But do you hear?

I'll geld you, Lungs.

     Face. Yes, sir.

     Mam. For I do mean
To have a list of wives and concubines
Equal with Solomon, who had the stone
Alike with me; and I will make me a back
With the elixir that shall be as tough
As Hercules, to encounter fifty a night. -
Thou'rt sure thou saw'st it blood?

     Face. Both blood and spirit, sir.

     Mam. I will have all my beds blown up, not stuft;
Down is too hard: and then, mine oval room
Fill'd with such pictures as Tiberius took
From Elephantis, and dull Aretine
But coldly imitated. Then, my glasses
Cut in more subtle angles, to disperse
And multiply the figures, as I walk
Naked between my succubae.^4 My mists
I'll have of perfume, vapour'd 'bout the room,
To lose our selves in; and my baths, like pits
To fall into; from whence we will come forth
And roll us dry in gossamer and roses. -
Is it arrived at ruby? - Where I spy
A wealthy citizen, or [a] rich lawyer,
Have a sublim'd pure wife, unto that fellow
I'll send a thousand pound to be my cuckold.

[Footnote 4: Mistresses.]

     Face. And I shall carry it?

     Mam. No. I'll ha' no bawds
But fathers and mothers: they will do it best,
Best of all others. And my flatterers
Shall be the pure and gravest of divines,
That I can get for money. My mere fools,
Eloquent burgesses, and then my poets
The same that writ so subtly of the fart,
Whom I will entertain still for that subject.
The few that would give out themselves to be

Court and town-stallions, and, each-where, bely
Ladies who are known most innocent, for them,
Those will I beg, to make me eunuchs of:
And they shall fan me with ten estrich tails
A - piece, made in a plume to gather wind.
We will be brave, Puff, now we ha' the med'cine.
My meat shall all come in, in Indian shells,
Dishes of agate set in gold, and studded
With emeralds, sapphires, hyacinths, and rubies.
The tongues of carps, dormice, and camels' heels,
Boil'd i' the spirit of sol, and dissolv'd pearl
(Apicius' diet, 'gainst the epilepsy):
And I will eat these broths with spoons of amber,
Headed with diamond and carbuncle.
My foot-boy shall eat pheasants, calver'd salmons,^5
Knots,^6 godwits, lampreys: I myself will have
The beards of barbel^7 serv'd, instead of salads;
Oiled mushrooms; and the swelling unctuous paps
Of a fat pregnant sow, newly cut off,
Drest with an exquisite and poignant sauce;
For which, I'll say unto my cook, There's gold,
Go forth, and be a knight.

[Footnote 5: Salmon elaborately prepared.]

[Footnote 6: Robin-snipes.]

[Footnote 7: A fish.]

     Face. Sir, I'll go look
A little, how it heightens.

     [Exit.]

     Mam. Do. - My shirts
I'll have of taffeta-sarsnet,^8 soft and light
As cobwebs; and for all my other raiment,
It shall be such as might provoke the Persian,
Were he to teach the world riot anew.
My gloves of fishes and birds' skins, perfum'd
With gums of paradise, and Eastern air -

[Footnote 8: Soft silk.]

     Sur. And do you think to have the stone with this?

     Mam. No, I do think t' have all this with the stone.

     Sur. Why, I have heard he must be homo frugi,^9
A pious, holy, and religious man,
One free from mortal sin, a very virgin.

[Footnote 9: A virtuous man.]

     Mam. That makes it, sir; he is so: but I buy it;
My venture brings it me. He, honest wretch,
A notable, superstitious, good soul,
Has worn his knees bare, and his slippers bald,
With prayer and fasting for it: and, sir, let him
Do it alone, for me, still. Here he comes.
Not a profane word afore him; 'tis poison. -


Scene III. The same.

     Mammon, Surly. [Enter] Subtle

     Mam. Good morrow, father.

     Sub. Gentle son, good morrow,
And to your friend there. What is he is with you?

     Mam. An heretic, that I did bring along,
In hope, sir, to convert him.

     Sub. Son, I doubt
You're covetous, that thus you meet your time
I' the just^1 point, prevent^2 your day at morning.
This argues something worthy of a fear
Of importune and carnal appetite.
Take heed you do not cause the blessing leave you,
With your ungovern'd haste. I should be sorry
To see my labours, now e'en at perfection,
Got by long watching and large patience,
Not prosper where my love and zeal hath plac'd them.
Which (heaven I call to witness, with your self,
To whom I have pour'd my thoughts) in all my ends,
Have look'd no way, but unto public good,
To pious uses, and dear charity
Now grown a prodigy with men. Wherein
If you, my son, should now prevaricate,
And to your own particular lusts employ

[Footnote 1: Exact.]

[Footnote 2: Anticipate.]

So great and catholic a bliss, be sure
A curse will follow, yea, and overtake
Your subtle and most secret ways.

     Mam. I know, sir;
You shall not need to fear me; I but come
To ha' you confute this gentleman.

     Sur. Who is,
Indeed, sir, somewhat costive of belief
Toward your stone; would not be gull'd.

     Sub. Well, son,
All that I can convince him in, is this,
The work is done, bright Sol is in his robe.
We have a med'cine of the triple soul,
The glorified spirit. Thanks be to heaven,
And make us worthy of it! - Ulen Spiegel!^3

[Footnote 3: The hero of a well-known German jest-book.]

     Face. [within.] Anon, sir.

     Sub. Look well to the register.
And let your heat still lessen by degrees,
To the aludels.^4

[Footnote 4: A pear-shaped vessel, open at both ends.]

     Face. [within.] Yes, sir.

     Sub. Did you look
O' the bolt's head yet?

     Face. [within.] Which? On D, sir?

     Sub. Ay;
What's the complexion?

     Face. [within.] Whitish.

     Sub. Infuse vinegar,
To draw his volatile substance and his tincture:
And let the water in glass E be filt'red,
And put into the gripe's egg.^5 Lute^6 him well;
And leave him clos'd in balneo.^7

[Footnote 5: An egg-shaped vessel. Gripe is griffin.]

[Footnote 6: Seal with clay.]

[Footnote 7: A dish of warm water.]

     Face. [within.] I will, sir.

     Sur. What a brave language here is! next to canting.^8

[Footnote 8: Rogues' slang.]

     Sub. I have another work you never saw, son,
That three days since past the philosopher's wheel,
In the lent heat of Athanor;^9 and's become
Sulphur o' Nature.

[Footnote 9: An alchemical furnace.]

     Mam. But 'tis for me?

     Sub. What need you?
You have enough, in that is, perfect.

     Mam. O, but -

     Sub. Why, this is covetise!

     Mam. No, I assure you,
I shall employ it all in pious uses,
Founding of colleges and grammar schools,
Marrying young virgins, building hospitals,
And now and then a church.

     [Re-enter Face]

     Sub. How now!

     Face. Sir, please you,
Shall I not change the filter?

     Sub. Marry, yes;
And bring me the complexion of glass B.

     [Exit Face.]

     Mam. Ha' you another?

     Sub. Yes, son; were I assur'd
Your piety were firm, we would not want
The means to glorify it: but I hope the best.
I mean to tinct C in sand-heat tomorrow,
And give him imbibition.^10

[Footnote 10: Absorption.]

     Mam. Of white oil?

     Sub. No, sir, of red. F is come over the helm too,
I thank my maker, in S. Mary's bath,
And shows lac virginis. Blessed be heaven!
I sent you of his faeces there calcin'd:
Out of that calx, I ha' won the salt of mercury.

     Mam. By pouring on your rectified water?

     Sub. Yes, and reverberating in Athanor.

     [Re-enter Face]

     How now! what colour says it?

     Face. The ground black, sir.

     Mam. That's your crow's head?

     Sur. Your cock's-comb's, is it not?

     Sub. No, 'tis not perfect. Would it were the crow!
That work wants something.

     Sur. [Aside.] O, I look'd for this,
The hay's^11 a pitching.

[Footnote 11: A net for catching rabbits.]

     Sub. Are you sure you loos'd 'em
In their own menstrue?^12

[Footnote 12: Dissolving fluids.]

     Face. Yes, sir, and then married 'em,
And put 'em in a bolt's-head nipp'd to digestion,
According as you bade me, when I set
The liquor of Mars to circulation
In the same heat.

     Sub. The process then was right.

     Face. Yes, by the token, sir, the retort brake,
And what was sav'd was put into the pellican,
And sign'd with Hermes' seal.

     Sub. I think 'twas so.
We should have a new amalgama.

     Sur. [Aside.] O, this ferret
Is rank as any polecat.

     Sub. But I care not;
Let him e'en die; we have enough beside,
In embrion. H has his white shirt on?

     Face. Yes, sir,
He's ripe for inceration, he stands warm,
In his ash-fire. I would not you should let
Any die now, if I might counsel, sir,
For luck's sake to the rest: it is not good.

     Mam. He says right.

     Sur. [Aside.] Ah, are you bolted?

     Face. Nay, I know't, sir,

I have seen the ill fortune. What is some three ounces
Of fresh materials?

     Mam. Is't no more?

     Face. No more, sir.
Of gold, t' amalgam with some six of mercury.

     Mam. Away, here's money. What will serve?

     Face. Ask him, sir.

     Mam. How much?

     Sub. Give him nine pound: you may gi' him ten.

     Sur. Yes, twenty, and be cozen'd, do.

     Mam. There 'tis. [Gives Face the money.]

     Sub. This needs not; but that you will have it so,
To see conclusions of all: for two
Of our inferior works are at fixation,
A third is in ascension. Go your ways.
Ha' you set the oil of luna in kemia?

     Face. Yes, sir.

     Sub. And the philosopher's vinegar?

     Face. Ay.

     [Exit.]

     Sur. We shall have a salad!

     Mam. When do you make projection?

     Sub. Son, be not hasty, I exalt our med'cine,
By hanging him in balneo vaporoso,
And giving him solution; then congeal him;
And then dissolve him; then again congeal him;
For look, how oft I iterate the work,
So many times I add unto his virtue.
As if at first one ounce convert a hundred,
After his second loose, he'll turn a thousand;
His third solution, ten; his fourth, a hundred;
After his fifth, a thousand thousand ounces
Of any imperfect metal, into pure
Silver or gold, in all examinations,
As good as any of the natural mine.
Get you your stuff here against afternoon,
Your brass, your pewter, and your andirons.

     Mam. Not those of iron?

     Sub. Yes, you may bring them too;
We'll change all metals.

     Sur. I believe you in that.

     Mam. Then I may send my spits?

     Sub. Yes, and your racks.

     Sur. And dripping-pans, and pot-hangers, and hooks?
Shall he not?

     Sub. If he please.

     Sur. - To be an ass.

     Sub. How, sir!

     Mam. This gent'man you must bear withal:
I told you he had no faith.

     Sur. And little hope, sir;
But much less charity, should I gull myself.

     Sub. Why, what have you observ'd, sir, in our art,
Seems so impossible?

     Sur. But your whole work, no more.
That you should hatch gold in a furnace, sir,
As they do eggs in Egypt!

     Sub. Sir, do you
Believe that eggs are hatch'd so?

     Sur. If I should?

     Sub. Why, I think that the greater miracle.
No egg but differs from a chicken more
Than metals in themselves.

     Sur. That cannot be.
The egg's ordain'd by nature to that end,
And is a chicken in potentia.

     Sub. The same we say of lead and other metals,
Which would be gold if they had time.

     Mam. And that
Our art doth further.

     Sub. Ay, for 'twere absurb
To think that nature in the earth bred gold
Perfect i' the instant: something went before.
There must be remote matter.

     Sur. Ay, what is that?

     Sub. Marry, we say -

     Mam. Ay, now it heats: stand, father,
Pound him to dust.

     Sub. It is, of the one part,
A humid exhalation, which we call
Material liquida, or the unctuous water;
On th' other part, a certain crass and viscous
Portion of earth; both which, concorporate,
Do make the elementary matter of gold;
Which is not yet propria materia,
But common to all metals and all stones;
For, where it is forsaken of that moisture,
And hath more dryness, it becomes a stone:
Where it retains more of the humid fatness,
It turns to sulphur, or to quicksilver,
Who are the parents of all other metals.
Nor can this remote matter suddenly
Progress so from extreme unto extreme,
As to grow gold, and leap o'er all the means.
Nature doth first beget th' imperfect, then
Proceeds she to the perfect. Of that airy
And oily water, mercury is engend'red;
Sulphur o' the fat and earthy part; the one,
Which is the last, supplying the place of male,
The other, of the female, in all metals.
Some do believe hermaphrodeity,
That both do act and suffer. But these two
Make the rest ductile, malleable, extensive.
And even in gold they are; for we do find
Seeds of them by our fire, and gold in them;
And can produce the species of each metal
More perfect thence, than nature doth in earth.
Beside, who doth not see in daily practice
Art can beget bees, hornets, beetles, wasps,
Out of the carcases and dung of creatures;
Yea, scorpions of an herb, being rightly plac'd?
And these are living creatures, far more perfect
And excellent that metals.

     Mam. Well said, father!
Nay, if he take you in hand, sir, with an argument,
He'll bray you in a mortar.

     Sur. Pray you, sir, stay.
Rather than I'll be bray'd, sir, I'll believe
That Alchemy is a pretty kind of game,
Somewhat like tricks o' the cards, to cheat a man
With charming.

     Sub. Sir?

     Sur. What else are all your terms,
Whereon no one o' your writers 'grees with other?
Of your elixir, your lac virginis,
Your stone, your med'cine, and your chrysosperm,
Your sal, your sulphur, and your mercury,
Your oil of height, your tree of life, your blood,
Your marchesite, your tutie, your magnesia,
Your toad, your crow, your dragon, and your panther;
Your sun, your moon, your firmament, your adrop,
Your lato, azoch, zernich, chibrit, heautarit,
And then your red man, and your white woman,
With all your broths, your menstrues, and materials
Of piss and egg-shells, women's terms, man's blood,
Hair o' the head, burnt clouts, chalk, merds, and clay,
Powder of bones, scalings of iron, glass,
And worlds of other strange ingredients,
Would burst a man to name?

     Sub. And all these nam'd,
Intending but one thing; which art our writers
Us'd to obscure their art.

     Mam. Sir, so I told him -
Because^13 the simple idiot should not learn it,
And make it vulgar.

[Footnote 13: In order that.]

     Sub. Was not all the knowledge
Of the Aegyptians writ in mystic symbols?
Speak not the scriptures oft in parables?

Are not the choicest fables of the poets,
That where the fountains first springs of wisdom,
Wrapt in perplexed allegories?

     Mam. I urg'd that,
And clear'd to him, that Sisyphus was damn'd
To roll the ceaseless stone, only because
He would have made ours common. Dol appears [at the door.] - Who is this?

     Sub. 'Sprecious! - What do you mean? Go in, good lady,
Let me entreat you. [Dol retires.] - Where's this varlet?

     [Re-enter Face]

     Face. Sir.

     Sub. You very knave! do you use me thus?

     Face. Wherein, sir?

     Sub. Go in and see, you traitor. Go!

     [Exit Face.]

     Mam. Who is it, sir?

     Sub. Nothing, sir; nothing.

     Mam. What's the matter, good sir?
I have not seen you thus distemp'red: who is't?

     Sub. All arts have still had, sir, their adversaries;
But ours the most ignorant. -

     Re-enter Face

     What now?

     Face. 'Twas not my fault, sir; she would speak with you.

     Sub. Would she, sir! Follow me.

     [Exit.]

     Mam. [stopping him.] Stay, Lungs.

     Face. I dare not, sir.

     Mam. How! pray thee, stay.

     Face. She's mad, sir, and sent hither -

     Mam. Stay, man; what is she?

     Face. A lord's sister, sir.
He'll be mad too. -

     Mam. I warrant thee. -
Why sent hither?

     Face. Sir, to be cur'd.

     Sub. [within.] Why, rascal!

     Face. Lo you! - Here, sir!

     Exit.

     Mam. 'Fore God, a Bradamante, a brave piece.

     Sur. Heart, this is a bawdy-house! I'll be burnt else.

     Mam. O, by this light, no: do not wrong him. He's
Too scrupulous that way: it is his vice.
No, he's a rare physician, do him right,
An excellent Paracelsian, and has done
Strange cures with mineral physic. He deals all
With spirits, he; he will not hear a word
Of Galen; or his tedious recipes. -

     Re-enter Face

     How now, Lungs!

     Face. Softly, sir; speak softly. I meant
To have told your worship all. This must not hear.

     Mam. No, he will not be gull'd; let him alone.

     Face. You're very right, sir; she is a most rare scholar,
And is gone mad with studying Broughton's^14 works.
If you but name a word touching the Hebrew,
She falls into her fit, and will discourse
So learnedly of genealogies,
As you would run mad too, to hear her, sir.

[Footnote 14: A learned eccentric of the time.]

     Mam. How might one do t' have conference with her, Lungs?

     Face. O, divers have run mad upon the conference:
I do not know, sir. I am sent in haste
To fetch a vial.

     Sur. Be not gull'd, Sir Mammon.

     Mam. Wherein? Pray ye, be patient.

     Sur. Yes, as you are,
And trust confederate knaves and bawds and whores.

     Mam. You are too foul, believe it. - Come here, Ulen,
One word.

     Face. I dare not, in good faith. [Going.]

     Mam. Stay, knave.

     Face. He is extreme angry that you saw her, sir.

     Mam. Drink that. [Gives him money.] What is she when she's
out of her fit?

     Face. O, the most affablest creature, sir! so merry!
So pleasant! She'll mount you up, like quicksilver,
Over the helm; and circulate like oil,
A very vegetal: discourse of state,
Of mathematics, bawdry, anything -

     Mam. Is she no way accessible? no means,
No trick to give a man a taste of her-wit -
Or so?

     Sub. [within.] Ulen!

     Face. I'll come to you again, sir.

     [Exit.]

     Mam. Surly, I did not think one of your breeding
Would traduce personages of worth.

     Sur. Sir Epicure,
Your friend to use; yet still loth to be gull'd:
I do not like your philosophical bawds.
Their stone is lechery enough to pay for,
Without this bait.

     Mam. Heart, you abuse yourself.
I know the lady, and her friends, and means,
The original of this disaster. Her brother
Has told me all.

     Sur. And yet you ne'er saw her
Till now!

     Mam. O yes, but I forgot. I have, believe it,
One o' the treacherousest memories, I do think,
Of all mankind.

     Sur. What call you her brother?

     Mam. My lord -
He wi' not have his name known, now I think on't.

     Sur. A very treacherous memory!

     Mam. On my faith -

     Sur. Tut, if you ha' it not about you, pass it,
Till we meet next.

     Mam. Nay, by this hand, 'tis true.
He's one I honour, and my noble friend;
And I respect his house.

     Sur. Heart! can it be
That a grave sir, a rich, that has no need,
A wise sir, too, at other times, should thus,
With his own oaths, and arguments, make hard means
To gull himself? An this be your elixir,
Your lapis mineralis, and your lunary,
Give me your honest trick yet at primero,
Or gleek;^15 and take your lutum sapientis,
Your menstruum simplex! I'll have gold before you,
And with less danger of the quicksilver,
Or the hot sulphur.

[Footnote 15: Games at cards.]

     [Re-enter Face]

     Face. Here's one from Captain Face, sir, [To Surly.]
Desires you meet him i' the Temple-church,
Some half-hour hence, and upon earnest business.
Sir, (whispers Mammon) if you please to quit us now; and come
Again within two hours, you shall have
My master busy examining o' the works;
And I will steal you in unto the party,
That you may see her converse. - Sir, shall I say
You'll meet the captain's worship?

     Sur. Sir, I will. - [Walks aside.]
But, by attorney, and to a second purpose.
Now, I am sure it is a bawdy-house;
I'll swear it, were the marshal here to thank me:
The naming this commander doth confirm it.
Don Face! why, he's the most authentic dealer
In these commodities, the superintendent
To all the quainter traffickers in town!
He is the visitor, and does appoint
Who lies with whom, and at what hour; what price;
Which gown, and in what smock; what fall;^16 what tire.^17
Him will I prove, by a third person, to find

[Footnote 16: A collar, or a veil.]

[Footnote 17: A head-dress.]

The subtleties of this dark labyrinth:
Which if I do discover, dear Sir Mammon,
You'll give your poor friend leave, though no philosopher,
To laugh: for you that are, 'tis thought, shall weep.

     Face. Sir, he does pray you'll not forget.

     Sur. I will not, sir.
Sir Epicure, I shall leave you.

     [Exit.

     Mam. I follow you straight.

     Face. But do so, good sir, to avoid suspicion.
This gent'man has a parlous head.

     Mam. But wilt thou Glen,
Be constant to thy promise?

     Face. As my life, sir.

     Mam. And wilt thou insinuate what I am, and praise me,
And say I am a noble fellow?

     Face. O, what else, sir?
And that you'll make her royal with stone,
An empress; and yourself King of Bantam.

     Mam. Wilt thou do this?

     Face. Will I, sir!

     Mam. Lungs, my Lungs!
I love thee.

     Face. Send your stuff, sir, that my master
May busy himself about projection.

     Mam. Thou'st witch'd me, rogue: take, go. [Gives him money.]

     Face. Your jack, and all, sir.

     Mam. Thou art a villain - I will send my jack,
And the weights too. Slave, I could bite thine ear.
Away, thou dost not care for me.

     Face. Not I, sir!

     Mam. Come, I was born to make thee, my good weasel,
Set thee on a bench, and have thee twirl a chain
With the best lord's vermin of 'em all.

     Face. Away, sir.

     Mam. A count, nay, a count palatine -

     Face. Good sir, go.

     Mam. Shall not advance thee better: no, nor faster.

     [Exit.]


Scene IV. The same.

     Face. [Re-enter] Subtle and Dol

     Sub. Has he bit? has he bit?

     Face. And swallowed, too, my Subtle.
I have given him line, and now he plays, i' faith.

     Sub. And shall we twitch him?

     Face. Thorough both the gills.
A wench is a rare bait, with which a man
No sooner's taken, but he straight firks mad.^1

[Footnote 1: Runs mad.]

     Sub. Dol, my Lord What'ts'hum's sister, you must now
Bear yourself statelich.

     Dol. O, let me alone.
I'll not forget my race, I warrant you.
I'll keep my distance, laugh and talk aloud;
Have all the tricks of a proud scurvy lady,
And be as rude's her woman.

     Face. Well said, sanguine!^2

[Footnote 2: Red cheeks.]

     Sub. But will he send his andirons?

     Face. His jack too,

     And 's iron shoeing-horn; I have spoke to him. Well,
I must not lose my wary gamester yonder.

     Sub. O, Monsieur Caution, that will not be gull'd?

     Face. Ay,
If I can strike a fine hook into him, now! -
The Temple-church, there I have cast mine angle.
Well, pray for me. I'll about it. Knocking without.

     Sub. What, more gudgeons!^3

[Footnote 3: Easy dupes.]

     Dol, scout, scout! [Dol goes to the window.] Stay, Face, you must
go to the door,
'Pray God it be my anabaptist - Who is't, Dol?

     Dol. I know him not: he looks like a gold-end-man.^4

[Footnote 4: A man who buys broken remnants of gold.]

     Sub. 'Ods so! 'tis he, he said he would send - what call you him?
The sanctified elder, that should deal
For Mammon's jack and andirons. Let him in.
Stay, help me off, first, with my gown. [Exit Face with the gown.]
Away,
Madam, to your withdrawing chamber. [Exit. Dol.] Now,
In a new tune, new gesture, but old language. -
This fellow is sent from one negotiates with me
About the stone too, for the holy brethren
Of Amsterdam, the exil'd saints, that hope
To raise their discipline^5 by it. I must use him
In some strange fashion now, to make him admire me.

[Footnote 5: Puritan form of church government.]


Scene V. The same.

     Subtle. [Enter] Ananias

     Where is my drudge? [Aloud.]

     [Enter] Face

     Face. Sir!

     Sub. Take away the recipient,
And rectify your menstrue from the phlegma.
Then pour it on the Sol, in the cucurbite,
And let them macerate together.

     Face. Yes, sir.
And save the ground?

     Sub. No: terra damnata
Must not have entrance in the work. - Who are you?

     Ana. A faithful brother,^1 if it please you.

[Footnote 1: A Puritan. Subtle wilfully misunderstands.]

     Sub. What's that?
A Lullianist? a Ripley?^2 Filius artis?
Can you sublime and dulcify? Calcine?
Know you the sapor pontic? Sapor stiptic?
Or what is homogene, or heterogene?

[Footnote 2: A follower of Raymond Lully (1235-1315) or George Ripley (d. c.
1490),. well-known alchemical writers.]

     Ana. I understand no heathen language, truly.

     Sub. Heathen! You Knipper-doling?^3 Is Ars sacra,

[Footnote 3: An Anabaptist leader.]

Or chrysopoeia, or spagyrica,
Or the pamphysic, or panarchic knowledge,
A heathen language?

     Ana. Heathen Greek, I take it.

     Sub. How! Heathen Greek?

     Ana. All's heathen but the Hebrew.

     Sub. Sirrah my varlet, stand you forth and speak to him
Like a philosopher: answer i' the language.
Name the vexations, and the martyrizations
Of metals in the work.

     Face. Sir, putrefaction,

     Solution, ablution, sublimation,

     Cohobation, calcination, ceration, and

     Fixation.

     Sub. This is heathen Greek, to you, now! -
And when comes vivification?

     Face. After mortification.

     Sub. What's cohobation?

     Face. 'Tis the pouring on
Your aqua regis, and then drawing him off,
To the trine circle of the seven spheres.

     Sub. What's the proper passion of metals?

     Face. Malleation.

     Sub. What's your ultimum supplicium auri?

     Face. Antimonium.

     Sub. This is heathen Greek to you! - And what's your mercury?

     Face. A very fugitive, he will be gone, sir.

     Sub. How know you him?

     Face. By his viscosity,

     His oleosity, and his suscitability.

     Sub. How do you sublime him?

     Face. With the calce of egg-shells,
White marble, talc.

     Sub. Your magisterium now,
What's that?

     Face. Shifting, sir, your elements,
Dry into cold, cold into moist, moist into hot,
Hot into dry.

     Sub. This is heathen Greek to you still!
Your lapis philosophicus?

     Face. 'Tis a stone,
And not a stone; a spirit, a soul, and a body:
Which if you do dissolve, it is dissolv'd;
If you coagulate, it is coagulated;
If you make it to fly, it flieth.

     Sub. Enough. [Exit Face.]
This is heathen Greek to you! What are you, sir?

     Ana. Please you, a servant of the exil'd brethren,
That deal with widows' and with orphans' goods,
And make a just account unto the saints:
A deacon.

     Sub. O, you are sent from Master Wholesome,
Your teacher?

     Ana. From Tribulation Wholesome,
Our very zealous pastor.

     Sub. Good! I have
Some orphans' goods to come here.

     Ana. Of what kind, sir?

     Sub. Pewter and brass, andirons and kitchen-ware.
Metals, that we must use our med'cine on:
Wherein the brethren may have a penn'orth
For ready money.

     Ana. Were the orphans' parents
Sincere professors?

     Sub. Why do you ask?

     Ana. Because
We then are to deal justly, and give, in truth,
Their utmost value.

     Sub. 'Slid, you'd cozen else,
An if their parents were not of the faithful! -
I will not trust you, now I think on it,
Till I ha' talk'd with your pastor. Ha' you brought money
To buy more coals?

     Ana. No, surely.

     Sub. No? How so?

     Ana. The brethren bid me say unto you, sir,
Surely, they will not venture any more
Till they may see projection.

     Sub. How!

     Ana. You've had
For the instruments, as bricks, and lome, and glasses,
Already thirty pound; and for materials,
They say, some ninety more: and they have heard since,
That one, at Heidelberg, made it of an egg,
And a small paper of pin-dust.

     Sub. What's your name?

     Ana. My name is Ananias.

     Sub. Out, the varlet
That cozen'd the apostles! Hence, away!
Flee, mischief! had your holy consistory
No name to send me, of another sound,
Than wicked Ananias? Send your elders
Hither, to make atonement for you, quickly,
And give me satisfaction; or out goes
The fire; and down th' alembecs, and the furnace,
Piger Henricus, or what not. Thou wretch!
Both sericon and bufo shall be lost,
Tell them. All hope of rooting out the bishops,
Or th' anti-Christian hierarchy shall perish,
If they stay threescore minutes: the aqueity,
Terreity, and sulphureity
Shall run together again, and all be annull'd,
Thou wicked Ananias! [Exit Ananias.] This will fetch 'em,
And make 'em haste towards their gulling more.
A man must deal like a rough nurse, and fright
Those that are froward, to an appetite.


Scene VI. The same.

     Subtle [Enter] Face [in his uniform, followed by] Drugger

     Face. He's busy with his spirits, but we'll upon him.

     Sub. How now! What mates, what Bayards^1 ha' we here?

[Footnote 1: Blind horses.]

     Face. I told you he would be furious. - Sir, here's Nab
Has brought you another piece of gold to look on;
- We must appease him. Give it me, - and prays you,
You would devise - what is it, Nab?

     Drug. A sign, sir.

     Face. Ay, a good lucky one, a thriving sign, doctor.

     Sub. I was devising now.

     Face. [Aside to Sub.] 'Slight, do not say so,
He will repent he ga' you any more -
What say you to his constellation, doctor,
The Balance?

     Sub. No, that way is stale and common.
A townsman born in Taurus, gives the bull,
Or the bull's head: in Aries, the ram,
A poor-device! No, I will have his name
Form'd in some mystic character; whose radii,
Striking the senses of the passers-by,
Shall, by a virtual^2 influence, breed affections,
That may result upon the party owns it:
As thus -

[Footnote 2: Due to the virtue or power of the device.]

     Face. Nab!

     Sub. He first shall have a bell, that's Abel;
And by it standing one whose name is Dee,^3
In a rug^4 gown, there's D, and Rug, that's drug:
And right anenst him a dog snarling er;
There's Drugger, Abel Drugger. That's his sign.
And here's now mystery and hieroglyphic!

[Footnote 3: A reference to Dr. Dee, the famous magician and astrologer, who
died in 1608.]

[Footnote 4: Of coarse frieze.]

     Face. Abel, thou art made.

     Drug. Sir, I do thank his worship.

     Face. Six o' thy legs^5 more will not do it, Nab.
He has brought you a pipe of tobacco, doctor.

[Footnote 5: Bows.]

     Drug. Yes, sir;
I have another thing I would impart -

     Face. Out with it, Nab.

     Drug. Sir, there is lodg'd, hard by me,
A rich young widow -

     Face. Good! a bona roba?^6

[Footnote 6: Handsome girl.]

     Drug. But nineteen at the most.

     Face. Very good, Abel.

     Drug. Marry, she's not in fashion yet; she wears
A hood, but 't stands a cop.^7

[Footnote 7: Peaked (?) or straight on the top of her head, instead of tilted
(?).]

     Face. No matter, Abel.

     Drug. And I do now and then give her a fucus^8 -

[Footnote 8: Paint for the face.]

     Face. What! dost thou deal, Nab?

     Sub. I did tell you, captain

     Drug. And physic too, sometime, sir; for which she trusts me
With all her mind. She's come up here of purpose
To learn the fashion.

     Face. Good (his match too!) - On, Nab.

     Drug. And she does strangely long to know her fortune.

     Face. 'Ods lid, Nab, send her to the doctor, hither.

     Drug. Yes, I have spoke to her of his worship already;
But she's afraid it will be blown abroad,
And hurt her marriage.

     Face. Hurt it! 'tis the way
To heal it, if 'twere hurt; to make it more
Follow'd and sought. Nab, thou shalt tell her this.
She'll be more known, more talk'd of; and your widows
are ne'er of any price till they be famous;
Their honour is their multitude of suitors.
Send her, it may be thy good fortune. What!
Thou dost not know.

     Drug. No, sir, she'll never marry
Under a knight: her brother has made a vow.

     Face. What! and dost thou despair, my little Nab,
Knowing what the doctor has set down for thee,
And seeing so many o' the city dubb'd?
One glass o' thy water, with a madam I know,
Will have it done, Nab. What's her brother, a knight?

     Drug. No, sir, a gentleman newly warm in's land, sir,

Scarce cold in his one and twenty, that does govern
His sister here; and is a man himself
Of some three thousand a year, and is come up
To learn to quarrel, and to live by his wits,
And will go down again, and die i' the country.

     Face. How! to quarrel?

     Drug. Yes, sir, to carry quarrels,
As gallants do; to manage 'em by line.

     Face. 'Slid, Nab, the doctor is the only man
In Christendom for him. He has made a table,
With mathematical demonstrations,
Touching the art of quarrels: he will give him
An instrument to quarrel by. Go, bring 'em both,
Him and his sister. And, for thee, with her
The doctor happ'ly may persuade. Go to:
'Shalt give his worship a new damask suit
Upon the premises.

     Sub. O, good captain!

     Face. He shall;
He is the honestest fellow, doctor. Stay not,
No offers; bring the damask, and the parties.

     Drug. I'll try my power, sir.

     Face. And thy will too, Nab.

     Sub. 'Tis good tobacco, this! What is't an ounce?

     Face. He'll send you a pound, doctor.

     Sub. O no.

     Face. He will do't.
It is the goodest soul! - Abel, about it.
Thou shalt know more anon. Away, be gone. [Exit Abel.]
A miserable rogue, and lives with cheese,
And has the worms. That was the cause, indeed,
Why he came now: he dealt with me in private,
To get a med'cine for 'em.

     Sub. And shall, sir. This works.

     Face. A wife, a wife for one on us, my dear Subtle!
We'll e'en draw lots, and he that fails, shall have
The more in goods.

     Sub. Faith, best let's see her first, and then determine.

     Face. Content: but Dol must ha' no breath on't.

     Sub. Mum.
Away you, to your Surly yonder, catch him.

     Face. Pray God I ha' not staid too long.

     Sub. I fear it.

     [Exeunt.]

Act III.

Scene I. The lane before Lovewit's house.

     Enter Tribulation Wholesome and Ananias

     Tri. These chastisements are common to the saints,
And such rebukes we of the separation
Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials
Sent forth to tempt our frailties.

     Ana. In pure zeal,
I do not like the man; he is a then,
And speaks the language of Canaan, truly.

     Tri. I think him a profane person indeed.

     Ana. He bears
The visible mark of the beast in his forehead.
And for his stone, it is a work of darkness,
And with philosophy blinds the eyes of man.

     Tri. Good brother, we must bend unto all means,
That may give furtherance to the holy cause.

     Ana. Which his cannot: the sanctified cause
Should have a sanctified course.

     Tri. Not always necessary:
The children of perdition are oft times
Made instruments even of the greatest works.
Beside, we should give somewhat to man's nature,
The place he lives in, still about the fire,
And fume of metals, that intoxicate
The brain of man, and make him prone to passion.
Where have you greater atheists than your cooks?
Or more profane, or choleric, than your glass-men?
More anti-Christian than your bell-founders?
What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you,
Sathan, our common enemy, but his being
Perpetually about the fire, and boiling
Brimstone and arsenic? We must give, I say,
Unto the motives, and the stirrers up
Of humours in the blood. It may be so,
When as the work is done, the stone is made,
This heat of his may turn into a zeal,
And stand up for the beauteous discipline
Against the menstruous cloth and rag of Rome.
We must await his calling, and the coming
Of the good spirit. You did fault, t' upbraid him
With the brethren's blessing of Heidelberg, weighing
What need we have to hasten on the work,
For the restoring of the silenc'd saints,^1
Which ne'er will be but by the philosopher's stone.
And so a learned elder, one of Scotland,
Assur'd me; aurum potabile being
The only med'cine for the civil magistrate,
T' incline him to a feeling of the cause;
And must be daily us'd in the disease.

[Footnote 1.: Non-conformist ministers not allowed to preach.]

     Ana. I have not edified more, truly, by man;
Not since the beautiful light first shone on me:
And I am sad my zeal hath so offended.

     Tri. Let us call on him then.

     Ana. The motion's good,
And of the spirit; I will knock first. [Knocks.] Peace be within!

     [The door is opened, and they enter.]


Scene II. A room in Lovewit's house.

     Enter Subtle, followed by Tribulation and Ananias

     Sub. O, are you come? 'Twas time. Your threescore minutes
Were at last thread, you see; and down had gone
Furnus acediae, turris circulatorius:
Limbec, bolt's-head, retort, and pelican

Had all been cinders. Wicked Ananias!
Art thou return'd? Nay, then it goes down yet.

     Tri. Sir, be appeased; he is come to humble
Himself in spirit, and to ask you patience,
If too much zeal hath carried him aside
From the due path.

     Sub. Why, this doth qualify!

     Tri. The brethren had no purpose, verily,
To give you the least grievance; but are ready
To lend their willing hands to any project
The spirit and you direct.

     Sub. This qualifies more!

     Tri. And for the orphans' goods, let them be valu'd,
Or what is needful else to the holy work,
It shall be numb'red; here, by me, the saints
Throw down their purse before you.

     Sub. This qualifies most!
Why, thus it should be, now you understand.
Have I discours'd so unto you of our stone,
And of the good that it shall bring your cause?
Show'd you (beside the main of hiring forces
Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your friends,
From the Indies, to serve you, with all their fleet)
That even the med'cinal use shall make you a faction,
And party in the realm? As, put the case,
That some great man in state, he have the gout,
Why, you but send three drops of your elixir,
You help him straight: there you have made a friend.
Another has the palsy or the dropsy,
He takes of your incombustible stuff,
He's young again: there you have made a friend.
A lady that is past the feat of body,
Though not of mind, and hath her face decay'd
Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore,
With the oil of talc: there you have made a friend;
And all her friends. A lord that is a leper,
A knight that has the bone-ache, or a squire
That hath both these, you make 'em smooth and sound,
With a bare fricace^1 of your med'cine: still
You increase your friends.

[Footnote 1: Rubbing.]

     Tri. Ay, 'tis very pregnant.

     Sub. And then the turning of this lawyer's pewter
To plate at Christmas -

     Ana. Christ-tide, I pray you.

     Sub. Yet, Ananias!

     Ana. I have done.

     Sub. Or changing
His parcel^2 gilt to massy gold. You cannot
But raise you friends. Withal, to be of power
To pay an army in the field, to buy
The King of France out of his realms, or Spain
Out of his Indies. What can you not do
Against lords spiritual or temporal,
That shall oppone^3 you?

[Footnote 2: Partly.]

[Footnote 3: Oppose.]

     Tri. Verily, 'tis true.
We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it.

     Sub. You may be anything, and leave off to make
Long-winded exercises; or suck up
Your ha! and hum! in a tune. I not deny,
But such as are not graced in a state,
May, for their ends, be adverse in religion,
And get a tune to call the flock together:
For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women
And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell.

     Ana. Bells are profane; a tune may be religious.

     Sub. No warning with you? Then farewell my patience.
'Slight, it shall down; I will not be thus tortur'd.

     Tri. I pray you, sir.

     Sub. All shall perish. I have spoke it.

     Tri. Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes; the man
He stands corrected: neither did his zeal,
But as your self, allow a tune somewhere.
Which now, being tow'rd^4 the stone, we shall not need.

[Footnote 4: Near possession of.]

     Sub. No, nor your holy vizard,^5 to win widows
To give you legacies; or make zealous wives
To rob their husbands for the common cause:
Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day,
And say they were forfeited by providence.
Nor shall you need o'er night to eat huge meals,
To celebrate your next day's fast the better;
The whilst the brethren and the sisters humbled,
Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast
Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones;^6
As whether a Christian may hawk or hunt,
Or whether matrons of the holy assembly
May lay their hair out, or wear doublets,
Or have that idol, starch, about their linen.

[Footnote 5: Set expression of face.]

[Footnote 6: The dry bones of discussion on such scruples.]

     Ana. It is indeed an idol.

     Tri. Mind him not, sir.
I do command thee, spirit (of zeal, but trouble),
To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on.

     Sub. Nor shall you need to libel 'gainst the prelates,
And shorten so your ears^7 against the hearing
Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity
Rail against plays, to please the alderman
Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie
With zealous rage till you are hoarse. Not one
Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves
By names of Tribulation, Persecution,
Restraint, Long-patience, and such like, affected
By the whole family or wood^8 of you,
Only for glory, and to catch the ear
Of the disciple.

[Footnote 7: Have your ears cut off in the pillory.]

[Footnote 8: Assembly.]

     Tri. Truly, sir, they are
Ways that the godly brethren have invented,
For propagation of the glorious cause,
As very notable means, and whereby also
Themselves grow soon, and profitably famous.

     Sub. O, but the stone, all's idle to't! Nothing!
The art of angels, nature's miracle,
The divine secret that doth fly in clouds
From east to west: and whose tradition
Is not from men, but spirits.

     Ana. I hate traditions;
I do not trust them -

     Tri. Peace!

     Ana. They are popish all.
I will not peace: I will not -

     Tri. Ananias!

     Ana. Please the profane, to grieve the godly; I may not.

     Sub. Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome.

     Tri. It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir:
But truly else a very faithful brother,
A botcher,^9 and a man by revelation
That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.

[Footnote 9: Tailor. But the term was used generally of Puritans.]

     Sub. Has he a competent sum there i' the bag
To buy the goods within? I am made guardian,
And must, for charity and conscience' sake,
Now see the most be made for my poor orphan;
Though I desire the brethren, too, good gainers:
There they are within. When you have view'd and bought 'em,
And ta'en the inventory of what they are,
They are ready for projection; there's no more
To do: cast on the med'cine, so much silver
As there is tin there, so much gold as brass,
I'll gi' it you in by weight.

     Tri. But how long time,
Sir, must the saints expect yet?

     Sub. Let me see,
How's the moon now? Eight, nine, ten days hence,
He will be silver potate; then three days
Before he citronise.^10 Some fifteen days,
The magisterium^11 will be perfected.

[Footnote 10: Become the color of citron - a stage in the process of producing
the stone.]

[Footnote 11: Full accomplishment.]

     Ana. About the second day of the third week,
In the ninth month?

     Sub. Yes, my good Ananias.

     Tri. What will the orphans' goods arise to, think you?

     Sub. Some hundred marks, as much as fill'd three cars,
Unladed now: you'll make six millions of 'em -
But I must ha' more coals laid in.

     Tri. How?

     Sub. Another load,
And then we ha' finish'd. We must now increase
Our fire to ignis ardens;^12 we are past
Fimus equinus, balnei, cineris,^13
And all those lenter^14 heats. If the holy purse
Should with this draught fall low, and that the saints
Do need a present sum, I have a trick
To melt the pewter, you shall buy now instantly,
And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars
As any are in Holland.

[Footnote 12: Fiery heat.]

[Footnote 13: Heat from horse-dung, warm bath, ashes.]

[Footnote 14: Milder.]

     Tri. Can you so?

     Sub. Ay, and shall bide the third examination.

     Ana. It will be joyful tidings to the brethren.

     Sub. But you must carry it secret.

     Tri. Ay; but stay,
This act of coining, is it lawful?

     Ana. Lawful!
We know no magistrate: or, if we did,
This is foreign coin.

     Sub. It is no coining, sir.
It is but casting.

     Tri. Ha! you distinguish well:
Casting of money may be lawful.

     Ana. 'Tis, sir.

     Tri. Truly, I take it so.

     Sub. There is no scruple,
Sir, to be made of it; believe Ananias:
This case of conscience he is studied in.

     Tri. I'll make a question of it to the brethren.

     Ana. The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not.
Where shall it be done?

     Sub. For that we'll talk anon. Knock without.
There's some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you,
And view the parcels. That's the inventory.
I'll come to you straight. [Exeunt Trib. and Ana.] Who is it? - Face! appear.


Scene III. The same.

     Subtle. [Enter] Face [in his uniform]

How now! good prize?

     Face. Good pox! Yond' costive cheater
Never came on.

     Sub. How then?

     Face. I ha' walk'd the round
Till now, and no such thing.

     Sub. And ha' you quit him?

     Face. Quit him! An hell would quit him too, he were happy.
'Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade,
All day, for one that will not yield us grains?
I know him of old.

     Sub. O, but to ha' gull'd him,
Had been a mastery.

     Face. Let him go, black boy!
And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee.
A noble count, a don of Spain (my dear
Delicious compeer, and my party^1 - bawd),
Who is come hither private for his conscience
And brought munition with him, six great slops,^2
Bigger than three Dutch hoys,^3 beside round trunks,^4
Furnish'd with pistolets,^5 and pieces of eight,^6
Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath,
(That is the colour,^7) and to make his battery

[Footnote 1: Partner.]

[Footnote 2: Large breeches.]

[Footnote 3: Ships.]

[Footnote 4: Trunk hose.]

[Footnote 5: A Spanish gold coin worth about 16sh. 8d.]

[Footnote 6: A coin worth about 4sh. 6d.]

[Footnote 7: Pretext.]

Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinqueport,
Our Dover pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she?
She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen,
The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit,
Where is the doxy?

     Sub. I'll send her to thee:
And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens,^8
And come again myself.

[Footnote 8: Puritans, from the name of the Anabaptist leader.]

     Face. Are they within then?

     Sub. Numbering the sum.

     Face. How much?

     Sub. A hundred marks, boy.

     [Exit.]

     Face. Why, this is a lucky day. Ten pounds of Mammon!
Three o' my clerk! A portague o' my grocer!
This o' the brethren! Beside reversions
And states to come, i' the widow, and my count!
My share today will not be bought for forty -

     [Enter Dol]

     Dol. What?

     Face. Pounds, dainty Dorothy! Art thou so near?

     Dol. Yes; say, lord general, how fares our camp?

     Face. As with the few that had entrench'd themselves
Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol,
And laugh'd within those trenches, and grew fat
With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in
Daily by their small parties. This dear hour,
A doughty don is taken with my Dol;
And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt
My Dousabel;^9 he shall be brought here fetter'd
With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown
In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon;
Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum;
Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum; till he be tame
As the poor blackbirds were i' the great frost,

[Footnote 9: i.e., douce et belle; sweetheart.]

Or bees are with a bason; and so hive him
I' the swan-skin coverlid and cambric sheets,
Till he work honey and wax, my little God's-gift.^10

[Footnote 10: Referring to the literal meaning of Dorothea.]

     Dol. What is he, general?

     Face. An adalantado,^11
A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?

[Footnote 11: A Spanish governor.]

     Dol. No

     Face. Nor my Drugger?

     Dol. Neither.

     Face. A pox on 'em,
They are so long a furnishing! such stinkards
Would not be seen upon these festival days. -

     [Re-enter Subtle]

How now! ha' you done?

     Sub. Done. They are gone: the sum
Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew
Another chapman who would buy 'em outright.

     Face. 'Slid, Nab shall do't against he ha' the widow,
To furnish household.

     Sub. Excellent, well thought on:
Pray God he come.

     Face. I pray he keep away
Till our new business be o'erpast.

     Sub. But, Face,
How camst thou by this secret don?

     Face. A spirit
Brought me th' intelligence in a paper here,
As I was conjuring yonder in my circle
For Surly; I ha' my flies^12 abroad. Your bath
Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol,
Tickle him with thy mother tongue. His great
Verdugoship^13 has not a jot of language;
So much the easier to be cozen'd, my Dolly.
He will come here in a hir'd coach, obscure,

[Footnote 12: Familiars.]

[Footnote 13: Verdugo is a Spanish name, but the precise allusion is
uncertain.]

And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide,
No creature else. One knocks. Who's that?

     [Exit Dol.]

     Sub. It is not he?

     Face. O no, not yet this hour.

     Re-enter Dol

     Sub. Who is't?

     Dol. Dapper,
Your clerk.

     Face. God's will then, Queen of Fairy,
On with your tire; [Exit Dol.] and, doctor, with your robes.
Let's despatch him for God's sake.

     Sub. 'Twill be long.

     Face. I warrant you, take but the cues I give you,
It shall be brief enough. [Goes to the window.] 'Slight, here are more!
Abel, and I think the angry boy, the heir,
That fain would quarrel.

     Sub. And the widow?

     Face. No,
Not that I see. Away!

     [Exit Sub.]


Scene IV. The same.

     Face. [Enter] Dapper

     Face. O, sir, you are welcome.
The doctor is within a moving for you;
I have had the most ado to win him to it! -
He swears you'll be the darling o' the dice:
He never heard her highness dote till now.^1
Your aunt has giv'n you the most gracious words
That can be thought on.

[Footnote 1: Folio adds (he says).]

     Dap. Shall I see her grace?

     Face. See her, and kiss her too. -

     [Enter Abel, followed by Kastril]

What, honest Nab!
Hast brought the damask?

     Nab. No, sir; here's tobacco.

     Face. 'Tis well done, Nab; thou'lt bring the damask too?

     Drug. Yes. Here's the gentleman, captain, Master Kastril,
I have brought to see the doctor.

     Face. Where's the widow?

     Drug. Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.

     Face. O, is it so? Good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?

     Kas. Ay, and the best of the Kastrils, I'd be sorry else,
By fifteen hundred a year.^2 Where is this doctor?
My mad tobacco-boy here tells me of one
That can do things. Has he any skill?

[Footnote 2: i.e., he is 1,500 Pounds a year richer than any other of the
Kastrils.]

     Fa Wherein, sir?

     Kas. To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly,
Upon fit terms.

     Face. It seems, sir, you're but young
About the town, that can make that a question.

     Kas. Sir, not so young but I have heard some speech
Of the angry boys,^3 and seen 'em take tobacco;
And in his shop; and I can take it too.
And I would fain be one of 'em, and go down
And practice i' the country.

[Footnote 3: Roysterers, young bloods.]

     Face. Sir, for the duello,
The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you,
To the least shadow of a hair; and show you
An instrument he has of his own making,
Wherewith, no sooner shall you make report
Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on't
Most instantly, and tell in what degree
Of safety it lies, in or mortality.
And how it may be borne, whether in a right line,
Or a half circle; or may else be cast

Into an angle blunt, if not acute:
And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules
To give and take the lie by.

     Kas. How! to take it?

     Face. Yes, in oblique he'll show you, or in circle;^4
But never in diameter.^5 The whole town
Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily
At the eating academies.

[Footnote 4: The lie circumstantial.]

[Footnote 5: The lie direct.]

     Kas. But does he teach
Living by the wits too?

     Face. Anything whatever.
You cannot think that subtlety but he reads it.
He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp,
Just o' your standing, 'fore I met with him;
It's not two months since. I'll tell you his method:
First, he will enter you at some ordinary.

     Kas. No, I'll not come there: you shall pardon me.

     Face. For why, sir?

     Kas. There's gaming there, and tricks.

     Face. Why, would you be
A gallant, and not game?

     Kas. Ay, 'twill spend a man.

     Face. Spend you! It will repair you when you are spent.
How do they live by their wits there, that have vented
Six times your fortunes?

     Kas. What, three thousand a year!

     Face. Ay, forty thousand.

     Kas. Are there such?

     Face. Ay, sir,
And gallants yet. Here's a young gentleman
Is born to nothing, - [Points to Dapper.] forty marks a year
Which I count nothing: - he is to be initiated,
And have a fly o' the doctor. He will win you
By unresistible luck, within this fortnight,
Enough to buy a barony. They will set him

Upmost, at the groom porter's,^6 all the Christmas:
And for the whole year through at every place
Where there is play, present him with the chair,
The best attendance, the best drink, sometimes
Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing;
The purest linen and the sharpest knife,
The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere
The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty.
You shall ha' your ordinaries bid for him,
As playhouses for a poet; and the master
Pray him aloud to name what dish he affects,
Which must be butter'd shrimps: and those that drink
To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being
The goodly president mouth of all the board.

[Footnote 6: An officer of the royal household, having charge of the cards,
dice, etc. He had the privilege of keeping open table at Christmas.]

     Kas. Do you not gull one?

     Face. 'Ods my life! Do you think it?
You shall have a cast commander, (can but get
In credit with a glover, or a spurrier,
For some two pair of either's ware aforehand,)
Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him,
Arrive at competent means to keep himself,
His punk, and naked boy, in excellent fashion,
And be admir'd for't.

     Kas. Will the doctor teach this?

     Face. He will do more, sir: when your land is gone,
(As men of spirit hate to keep earth long),
In a vacation,^7 when small money is stirring,
And ordinaries suspended till the term,
He'll show a perspective,^8 where on one side
You shall behold the faces and the persons
Of all sufficient young heirs in town,
Whose bonds are current for commodity;^9
On th' other side, the merchants' forms, and others,

[Footnote 7: Of the law-courts.]

[Footnote 8: A magic glass.]

[Footnote 9: The reference is to the "commodity" fraud, in which a borrower
was obliged to take part of a loan in merchandise, which the lender frequently
bought back by agents for much less than it represented in the loan.]

That without help of any second broker,
Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels:
In the third square, the very street and sign
Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait
To be deliver'd, be it pepper, soap,
Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad,^10 or cheeses.
All which you may so handle, to enjoy
To your own use, and never stand oblig'd.

[Footnote 10: A plant used for a dye.]

     Kas. I' faith! is he such a fellow?

     Face. Why, Nab here knows him.
And then for making matches for rich widows,
Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat'st man!
He's sent to, far and near, all over England,
To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes.

     Kas. God's will, my suster shall see him.

     Face. I'll tell you, sir,
What he did tell me of Nab. It's a strange thing -
(By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy,
And that same melancholy breeds worms) but pass it: -
He told me, honest Nab here was ne'er at tavern
But once in's life.

     Drug. Truth, and no more I was not.

     Face. And then he was so sick -

     Drug. Could he tell you that too?

     Face. How should I know it?

     Drug. In troth, we had been a shooting,
And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper,
That lay so heavy o' my stomach -

     Face. And he has no head
To bear any wine; for what with the noise o' the fiddlers,
And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants -

     Drug. My head did so ache -

     Face. And he was fain to be brought home,
The doctor told me: and then a good old woman -

     Drug. Yes, faith, she dwells in Seacol-lane, - did cure me,
With sodden ale, and pellitory^11 o' the wall;

[Footnote 11: A herb.]

Cost me but twopence. I had another sickness
Was worse than that.

     Face. Ay, that was with the grief
Thou took'st for being cess'd^12 at eighteenpence,
For the waterwork.

[Footnote 12: Assessed, taxed.]

     Drug. In truth, and it was like
T' have cost me almost my life.

     Face. Thy hair went off?

     Drug. Yes, sir; 'twas done for spite.

     Face. Nay, so says the doctor.

     Kas. Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster;
I'll see this learned boy before I go;
And so shall she.

     Face. Sir, he is busy now:
But if you have a sister to fetch hither,
Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner;
And he by that time will be free.

     Kas. I go.

     [Exit.]

     Face. Drugger, she's thine: the damask! - [Exit Abel.] Subtle and I
Must wrastle for her. [Aside.] Come on, Master Dapper,
You see how I turn clients here away,
To give your cause dispatch; ha' you perform'd
The ceremonies were enjoin'd you?

     Dap. Yes, o' the vinegar,
And the clean shirt.

     Face. 'Tis well: that shirt may do you
More worship than you think. Your aunt's a-fire,
But that she will not show it, t' have a sight of you.
Ha' you provided for her grace's servants?

     Dap. Yes, here are six score Edward shillings.

     Face. Good!

     Dap. And an old Harry's sovereign.

     Face. Very good!

     Dap. And three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat,
Just twenty nobles.^13

[Footnote 13: A noble was worth 6 sh. 8 d.]

     Face. O, you are too just.

I would you had had the other noble in Maries.

     Dap. I have some Philip and Maries.

     Face. Ay, those same
Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor.


Scene V. The same.

     Face, Dapper. Enter Subtle, disguised like a priest of Fairy [with a
strip of cloth]

     Sub. [in a feigned voice.] Is yet her grace's cousin come?

     Face. He is come.

     Sub. And is he fasting?

     Face. Yes.

     Sub. And hath cried hum?

     Face. Thrice, you must answer.

     Dap. Thrice.

     Sub. And as oft buz?

     Face. If you have, say.

     Dap. I have.

     Sub. Then, to her cuz,
Hoping that he hath vinegar'd his senses,
As he was bid, the Fairy queen dispenses,
By me, this robe, the petticoat of fortune;
Which that he straight put on, she doth importune.
And though to fortune near be her petticoat,
Yet nearer is her smock, the queen doth note:
And therefore, even of that a piece she hath sent,
Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent;
And prays him for a scarf he now will wear it,
With as much love as then her grace did tear it,
About his eyes, They blind him with the rag, to show he is fortunate.
And, trusting unto her to make his state,
He'll throw away all worldly pelf about him;
Which that he will perform, she doth not doubt him.

     Face. She need not doubt him, sir. Alas, he has nothing
But what he will part withal as willingly,
Upon her grace's word - throw away your purse -
As she would ask it: - handkerchiefs and all -
She cannot bid that thing but he'll obey. -
If you have a ring about you cast it off,
Or a silver seal at your wrist; her grace will send

     He throws away, as they bid him.

Her fairies here to search you, therefore deal
Directly^1 with her highness: if they find
That you conceal a mite, you are undone.

[Footnote 1: Uprightly.]

     Dap. Truly, there's all.

     Face. All what?

     Dap. My money; truly.

     Face. Keep nothing that is transitory about you.

     [Aside to Subtle.] Bid Dol play music. - Look, the elves are come.

     [Dol. plays on the cittern within.

     To pinch you, if you tell not truth. Advise you.

     [They pinch him.]

     Dap. O! I have a paper with a spur-ryal^2 in't.

[Footnote 2: A gold coin worth 15sh.]

     Face. Ti, ti.
They knew't, they say.

     Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti. He has more yet.

     Face. Ti, ti-ti-ti. I' the other pocket?

     Sub. Titi, titi, titi, titi, titi.
They must pinch him or he will never confess, they say.

     [They pinch him again.

     Dap. O, O!

     Face. Nay, pray you, hold: he is her grace's nephew,
Ti, ti, ti? What care you? good faith, you shall care. -
Deal plainly, sir, and shame the fairies. Show
You are innocent.

     Dap. By this good light, I ha' nothing.

     Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti, to, ta. He does equivocate she says:
Ti, ti do ti, ti ti do, ti da; and swears by the light when he is blinded.

     Dap. By this good dark, I ha' nothing but a half-crown
Of gold about my wrist, that my love gave me;
And a leaden heart I wore sin' she forsook me.

     Face. I thought 'twas something. And would you incur
Your aunt's displeasure for these trifles? Come,
I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns.

     [Takes it off.]

You may wear your leaden heart still. -

     [Enter Dol hastily]

     How now!

     Sub. What news, Dol?

     Dol. Yonder's your knight, Sir Mammon.

     Face. 'Ods lid, we never thought of him till now!
Where is he?

     Dol. Here hard by. He's at the door.

     Sub. And you are not ready now! Dol, get his suit.

     [Exit Dol.]

He must not be sent back.

     Face. O, by no means.
What shall we do with this same puffin^3 here,
Now he's on the spit?

[Footnote 3: A sort of gull.]

     Sub. Why, lay him back awhile,
With some device.

     [Re-enter Dol with Face's clothes]

- Ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, Would her grace speak with me?
I come. - Help, Dol! Knocking without.

     Face. [speaks through the keyhole.] - Who's there? Sir Epicure,
My master's i'the way. Please you to walk
Three or four turns, but till his back be turn'd,
And I am for you. - Quickly, Dol!

     Sub. Her grace
Commends her kindly to you, Master Dapper.

     Dap. I long to see her grace.

     Sub. She now is set
At dinner in her bed, and she has sent you
From her own private trencher, a dead mouse,
And a piece of gingerbread, to be merry withal,

And stay your stomach, lest you faint with fasting:
Yet if you could hold out till she saw you, she says,
It would be better for you.

     Face. Sir, he shall
Hold out, an 'twere this two hours, for her highness;
I can assure you that. We will not lose
All we ha' done. -

     Sub. He must not see, nor speak
To anybody, till then.

     Face. For that we'll put, sir,
A stay in's mouth.

     Sub. Of what?

     Face. Of gingerbread.
Make you it fit. He that hath pleas'd her grace
Thus far, shall not now crinkle^4 for a little. -
Gape, sir, and let him fit you.

[Footnote 4: Turn aside from his purpose.]

     [They thrust a gag of gingerbread into his mouth.]

     Sub. Where shall we now
Bestow him?

     Dol. I' the privy.

     Sub. Come along, sir,
I must now show you Fortune's privy lodgings.

     Face. Are they perfum'd, and his bath ready?

     Sub. All:
Only the fumigation's somewhat strong.

     Face. [speaking through the keyhole.] Sir Epicure, I am yours,
sir, by and by. [Exeunt with Dapper.]

Act IV.

Scene I. A room in Lovewit's house.

     Enter Face and Mammon

     Face. O, sir, you're come i' the only finest time. -

     Mam. Where's master?

     Face. Now preparing for projection, sir.

Your stuff will be all chang'd shortly.

     Mam. Into gold?

     Face. To gold and silver, sir.

     Mam. Silver I care not for.

     Face. Yes, sir, a little to give beggars.

     Mam. Where's the lady?

     Face. At hand here. I ha' told her such brave things o' you,
Touching your bounty and your noble spirit -

     Mam. Hast thou?

     Face. As she is almost in her fit to see you.
But, good sir, no divinity i' your conference,
For fear of putting her in rage. -

     Mam. I warrant thee.

     Face. Six men [sir] will not hold her down. And then,
If the old man should hear or see you -

     Mam. Fear not.

     Face. The very house, sir, would run mad. You know it,
How scrupulous he is, and violent,
'Gainst the least act of sin. Physic or mathematics,
Poetry, state,^1 or bawdry, as I told you,
She will endure, and never startle; but
No word of controversy.

[Footnote 1: Politics.]

     Mam. I am school'd, good Men.

     Face. And you must praise her house, remember that,
And her nobility.

     Mam. Let me alone:
No herald, no, nor antiquary, Lungs,
Shall do it better. Go.

     Face. [Aside.] Why, this is yet
A kind of modern happiness,^2 to have
Dol Common for a great lady.

[Footnote 2: Up-to-date appropriateness.]

     [Exit.]

     Mam. Now, Epicure,
Heighten thyself, talk to her all in gold;
Rain her as many showers as Jove did drops
Unto his Danae; show the god a miser,
Compar'd with Mammon. What! the stone will do't.

She shall feel gold, taste gold, hear gold, sleep gold;
Nay, we will concumbere gold: I will be puissant,
And mighty in my talk to her. -

     [Re-enter Face with Dol richly dressed]

     Here she comes.

     Face. To him, Dol, suckle him. This is the noble knight
I told you ladyship -

     Mam. Madam, with your pardon,
I kiss your vesture.

     Dol. Sir, I were uncivil
If I would suffer that; my lip to you, sir.

     Mam. I hope my lord your brother be in health, lady.

     Dol. My lord my brother is, though I no lady, sir.

     Face. [Aside.] Well said, my Guinea bird.

     Mam. Right noble madam -

     Face. [Aside.] O, we shall have most fierce idolatry.

     Mam. 'Tis your prerogative.

     Dol. Rather your courtesy.

     Mam. Were there nought else 't enlarge your virtues to me,
These answers speak your breeding and your blood.

     Dol. Blood we boast none, sir; a poor baron's daughter.

     Mam. Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father
Slept all the happy remnant of his life
After that act, lien but there still, and panted,
He'd done enough to make himself, his issue,
And his posterity noble.

     Dol. Sir, although
We may be said to want the gilt and trappings,
The dress of honour, yet we strive to keep
The seeds and the materials.

     Mam. I do see
The old ingredient, virtue, was not lost,
Nor the drug money us'd to make your compound.
There is a strange nobility i' your eye,
This lip, that chin! Methinks you do resemble
One o' the Austriac princes.

     Face. [Aside.] Very like!
Her father was an Irish costermonger.

     Mam. The house of Valois just had such a nose,
And such a forehead yet the Medici
Of Florence boast.

     Dol. Troth, and I have been lik'ned
To all these princes.

     Face. [Aside.] I'll be sworn, I heard it.

     Mam. I know not how! it is not any one,
But e'en the very choice of all their features.

     Face. [Aside.] I'll in, and laugh. [Exit.]

     Mam. A certain touch, or air,
That sparkles a divinity beyond
An earthly beauty!

     Dol. O, you play the courtier.

     Mam. Good lady, gi' me leave -

     Dol. In faith, I may not,
To mock me, sir.

     Mam. To burn i' this sweet flame;
The phoenix never knew a nobler death.

     Dol. Nay, now you court the courtier, and destroy
What you would build. This art, sir, i' your words,
Calls your whole faith in question.

     Mam. By my soul -

     Dol. Nay, oaths are made o' the same air, sir.

     Mam. Nature
Never bestow'd upon mortality
A more unblam'd, a more harmonious feature;
She play'd the step-dame in all faces else:
Sweet madam, le' me be particular -

     Dol. Particular, sir! I pray you know your distance.

     Mam. In no ill sense, sweet lady; but to ask
How your fair graces pass the hours? I see
You're lodg'd here, in the house of a rare man,
An excellent artist; but what's that to you?

     Dol. Yes, sir; I study here the mathematics,
And distillation.

     Mam. O, I cry your pardon.
He's a divine instructor! can extract
The souls of all things by his art; call all
The virtues, and the miracles of the sun,
Into a temperature furnace; teach dull nature
What her own forces are. A man, the emp'ror
Has courted above Kelly;^3 sent his medals
And chains, t' invite him.

[Footnote 3: The partner of Dee, the astrologer.]

     Dol. Ay, and for his physic, sir -

     Mam. Above the art of Aesculapius,
That drew the envy of the thunderer!
I know all this, and more.

     Dol. Troth, I am taken, sir,
Whole with these studies, that contemplate nature.

     Mam. It is a noble humour; but this form
Was not intended to so dark a use.
Had you been crooked, foul, of some coarse mould,
A cloister had done well; but such a feature
That might stand up the glory of a kingdom,
To live recluse! is a mere soloecism,
Though in a nunnery. It must not be.
I muse, my lord your brother will permit it:
You should spend half my land first, were I he.
Does not this diamond better on my finger
Than i' the quarry?

     Dol. Yes.

     Mam. Why, you are like it.
You were created, lady, for the light.
Here, you shall wear it; take it, the first pledge
Of what I speak, to bind you to believe me.

     Dol. In chains of adamant?

     Mam. Yes, the strongest bands.
And take a secret too. - Here, by your side,
Doth stand this hour the happiest man in Europe.

     Dol. You are contended, sir?

     Mam. Nay, in true being,

The envy of princes and the fear of states.

     Dol. Say you so, Sir Epicure?

     Mam. Yes, and thou shalt prove it,
Daughter of honour. I have cast mine eye
Upon thy form, and I will rear this beauty
Above all styles.

     Dol. You mean no treason, sir?

     Mam. No, I will take away that jealousy.
I am the lord of the philosopher's stone,
And thou the lady.

     Dol. How, sir! ha' you that?

     Mam. I am the master of the mastery.^4
This day the good old wretch here o' the house
Has made it for us: now he's at projection.
Think therefore thy first wish now, let me hear it;
And it shall rain into thy lap, no shower,
But floods of gold, whole cataracts, a deluge,
To get a nation on thee.

[Footnote 4: The art of transmutation.]

     Dol. You are pleas'd, sir,
To work on the ambition of our sex.

     Mam. I'm pleas'd the glory of her sex should know,
This nook here of the Friars is no climate
For her to live obscurely in, to learn
Physic and surgery, for the constable's wife
Of some odd hundred in Essex; but come forth,
And taste the air of palaces; eat, drink
The toils of empirics, and their boasted practice;
Tincture of pearl, and coral, gold, and amber;
Be seen at feasts and triumphs; have it ask'd,
What miracle she is; set all the eyes
Of court a-fire, like a burning glass,
And work them into cinders, when the jewels
Of twenty states adorn thee, and the light
Strikes out the stars! that, when thy name is mention'd,
Queens may look pale; and we but showing our love,
Nero's Poppaea may be lost in story!

Thus will we have it.

     Dol. I could well consent, sir.
But in a monarchy, how will this be?
The prince will soon take notice, and both seize
You and your stone, it being a wealth unfit
For any private subject.

     Mam. If he knew it.

     Dol. Yourself do boast it, sir.

     Mam. To thee, my life.

     Dol. O, but beware, sir! You may come to end
The remnant of your days in a loath'd prison,
By speaking of it.

     Mam. 'Tis no idle fear.
We'll therefore go with all, my girl, and live
In a free state, where we will eat our mullets,
Sous'd in high-country wines, sup pheasants' eggs,
And have our cockles boil'd in silver shells;
Our shrimps to swim again, as when they liv'd,
In a rare butter made of dolphins' milk,
Whose cream does look like opals; and with these
Delicate meats set ourselves high for pleasure,
And take us down again, and then renew
Our youth and strength with drinking the elixir,
And so enjoy a perpetuity
Of life and list! And thou shalt ha' thy wardrobe
Richer than nature's, still to change thyself,
And vary oftener, for thy pride, than she,
Or art, her wise and almost-equal servant.

     [Re-enter Face]

     Face. Sir, you are too loud. I hear you every word
Into the laboratory. Some fitter place;
The garden, or great chamber above. How like you her?

     Mam. Excellent! Lungs. There's for thee.

     [Gives him money.]

     Face. But do you hear?
Good sir, beware, no mention of the rabbins.

     Mam. We think not on 'em.

     [Exeunt Mam. and Dol.]

     Face. O, it is well, sir. - Subtle!


Scene II. The same.

     Face. [Enter] Subtle

Dost thou not laugh?

     Sub. Yes; are they gone?

     Face. All's clear.

     Sub. The widow is come.

     Face. And your quarrelling disciple?

     Sub. Ay.

     Face. I must to my captainship again then.

     Sub. Stay, bring 'em in first.

     Face. So I meant. What is she?
A bonnibel?

     Sub. I know not.

     Face. We'll draw lots:
You'll stand to that?

     Sub. What else?

     Face. O, for a suit,
To fall now like a curtain, flap!

     Sub. To th' door, man.

     Face. You'll ha' the first kiss, 'cause I am not ready.

     [Exit.]

     Sub. Yes, and perhaps hit you through both the nostrils.^1

[Footnote 1: "Put your nose out of joint."]

     Face. [within.] Who would you speak with?

     Kas. [within.] Where's the captain?

     Face. [within.] Gone, sir,
About some business.

     Kas. [within.] Gone!

     Face. [within.] He'll return straight.
But, master doctor, his lieutenant, is here.

     [Enter Kastril, followed by Dame Pliant]

     Sub. Come near, my worshipful boy, my terrae fili.
That is, my boy of land; make thy approaches:

Welcome; I know thy lusts, and thy desires,
And I will serve and satisfy 'em. Begin,
Charge me from thence, or thence, or in this line;
Here is my centre: ground thy quarrel.

     Kas. You lie.

     Sub. How, child of wrath and anger! the loud lie?
For what, my sudden boy?

     Kas. Nay, that look you to,
I am aforehand.

     Sub. O, this is no true grammar,
And as ill logic! You must render causes, child,
Your first and second intentions, know your canons
And your divisions, moods, degrees, and differences,
Your predicaments, substance, and accident,
Series extern and intern, with their causes,
Efficient, material, formal, final,
And ha' your elements perfect?

     Kas. What is this?
The angry^2 tongue he talks in?

[Footnote 2: Swaggering.]

     Sub. That false precept,
Of being aforehand, has deceiv'd a number,
And made 'em enter quarrels oftentimes
Before they were aware; and afterward,
Against their wills.

     Kas. How must I do then, sir?

     Sub. I cry this lady mercy; she should first
Have been saluted. Kisses her. I do call you lady,
Because you are to be one ere't be long,
My soft and buxom widow.

     Kas. Is she, i' faith?

     Sub. Yes, or my art is an egregious liar.

     Kas. How know you?

     Sub. By inspection on her forehead,
And subtlety of her lip, which must be tasted
Often to make a judgment. Kisses her again. 'Slight, she melts
Like a myrobolane.^3 Here is yet a line,

[Footnote 3: A kind of dried plum, esteemed as a sweetmeat.]

In rivo frontis,^4 tells me he is no knight.

[Footnote 4: Frontal vein.]

     Dame P. What is he then, sir?

     Sub. Let me see your hand.
O, your linea fortunae makes it plain;
And stella here in monte Veneris.
But, most of all, junctura annularis.^5
He is a soldier, or a man of art, lady,
But shall have some great honour shortly.

[Footnote 5: These are the cant phrases of palmistry.]

     Dame P. Brother,
He's a rare man, believe me!

     [Re-enter Face, in his uniform]

     Kas. Hold your peace.
Here comes the t' other rare man. - 'Save you, captain.

     Face. Good Master Kastril! Is this your sister?

     Kas. Ay, sir.
Please you to kiss her, and be proud to know her.

     Face. I shall be proud to know you, lady.

     [Kisses her.]

     Dame P. Brother,
He calls me lady too.

     Kas. Ay, peace: I heard it.

     [Takes her aside.]

     Face. The count is come.

     Sub. Where is he?

     Face. At the door.

     Sub. Why, you must entertain him.

     Face. What will you do
With these the while?

     Sub. Why, have 'em up, and show 'em
Some fustian book, or the dark glass.

     Face. 'Fore God,
She is a delicate dabchick! I must have her.

     [Exit]

     Sub. [Aside.] Must you! Ay, if your fortune will, you must. -
Come, sir, the captain will come to us presently:
I'll ha' you to my chamber of demonstrations,
Where I'll show you both the grammar and logic,
And rhetoric of quarrelling; my whole method

Drawn out in tables; and my instrument,
That hath the several scales upon't, shall make you
Able to quarrel at a straw's-breadth by moonlight.
And, lady, I'll have you look in a glass,
Some half an hour, but to clear your eyesight,
Against you see^6 your fortune; which is greater
Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me.

[Footnote 6: In preparation for seeing.]

     [Exeunt.]


Scene III. The same.

     [Enter] Face

     Face. Where are you, doctor?

     Sub. [within] I'll come to you presently.

     Face. I will ha' this same widow, now I ha' seen her,
On any composition.

     [Enter Subtle]

     Sub. What do you say?

     Face. Ha' you dispos'd of them?

     Sub. I ha' sent 'em up.

     Face. Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow.

     Sub. Is that the matter?

     Face. Nay, but hear me.

     Sub. Go to.
If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all:
Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance.

     Face. Nay, thou art so violent now. Do but conceive,
Thou art old, and canst not serve -

     Sub. Who cannot? I?
'Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a -

     Face. Nay,
But understand: I'll gi' you composition.^1

[Footnote 1: Recompense.]

     Sub. I will not treat with thee. What! sell my fortune?
'Tis better than my birthright. Do not murmur:
Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol
Knows it directly.

     Face. Well, sir, I am silent.
Will you go help to fetch in Don in state?

     [Exit.]

     Sub. I follow you, sir. We must keep Face in awe,
Or he will overlook us like a tyrant.

     [Re-enter Face, introducing] Surly disguised as a Spaniard

Brain of a tailor! who comes here? Don John!

     Sur. Senores, beso las manos a vuestras mercedes.^2

[Footnote 2: Spanish. "Gentlemen, I kiss your hands."]

     Sub. Stab me; I shall never hold, man.
He looks in that deep ruff like a head in a platter,
Serv'd in by a short cloak upon two trestles.

     Face. Or what do you say to a collar of brawn,^3 cut down
Beneath the souse,^4 and wriggled with a knife?

[Footnote 3: Neck of a boar, or boar's flesh rolled.]

[Footnote 4: Ear.]

     Sub. 'Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard.

     Face. Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him
In d'Alva's time; Count Egmont's bastard.

     Sub. Don,
Your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome.

     Sur. Gratia.

     Sub. He speaks out of a fortification.
Pray God he ha' no squibs in those deep sets.^5

[Footnote 5: The deep plaits of his ruff.]

     Sur. Por dios, senores, muy linda casa!^6

[Footnote 6: "Gad, sirs, a very pretty house."]

     Sub. What says he?

     Face. Praises the house, I think;
I know no more but's action.

     Sub. Yes, the casa,
My precious Diego,^7 will prove fair enough
To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall
Be cozened, Diego.

[Footnote 7: Spaniard. Strictly, Spanish for James.]

     Face. Cozened, do you see,
My worthy Donzel,^8 conzened.

[Footnote 8: Diminutive of Don.]

     Sur. Entiendo.^9

[Footnote 9: "I understand."]

     Sub. Do you intend it? So do we, dear Don.

Have you brought pistolets,^10 or portagues,
My solemn Don? [to Face.] Dost thou feel any?

[Footnote 10: Spanish gold coin, worth about 16sh. 8d.]

     Face. feels his pockets. Full.

     Sub. You shall be emptied, Don, pumped and drawn
Dry, as they say.

     Face. Milked, in troth, sweet Don.

     Sub. See all the monsters; the great lion of all, Don.

     Sur. Con licencia, se puede ver a esta senora?^11

[Footnote 11: "If you please, may I see the lady?"]

     Sub. What talks he now?

     Face. Of the senora.

     Sub. O, Don,
This is the lioness, which you shall see
Also, my Don.

     Face. 'Slid, Subtle, how shall we do?

     Sub. For what?

     Face. Why, Dol's employ'd, you know.

     Sub. That's true.
'Fore heaven I know not: he must stay, that's all.

     Face. Stay! that he must not by no means.

     Sub. No! why?

     Face. Unless you'll mar all. 'Slight, he'll suspect it;
And then he will not pay, not half so well.
This is a travell'd punk-master, and does know
All the delays; a notable hot rascal,
And looks already rampant.

     Sub. 'Sdeath, and Mammon
Must not be troubled.

     Face. Mammon! in no case.

     Sub. What shall we do then?

     Face. Think: you must be sudden.^12

[Footnote 12: Quick about it.]

     Sur. Entiendo que la senora es tan hermosa, que codicio tan a verla,
como la bien aventuranza de mi vida.^13

[Footnote 13: "I understand that the lady is so handsome that I am as eager to
see her as the good fortune of my life."]

     Face. Mi vida! 'Slid, Subtle, he puts me in mind o' the widow.
What dost thou say to draw her to't, ha!

And tell her 'tis her fortune? All our venture
Now lies upon't. It is but one man more,
Which on's chance to have her: and beside,
There is no maidenhead to be fear'd or lost.
What dost thou think on't, Subtle?

     Sub. Who. I? why -

     Face. The credit of our house too is engag'd.^14

[Footnote 14: Involved.]

     Sub. You mate me an offer for my share erewhile.
What wilt thou gi' me, i' faith?

     Face. O, by that light
I'll not buy now. You know your doom^15 to me.
E'en take your lot, obey your chance, sir; win her,
And wear her - out for me.

[Footnote 15: Agreement.]

     Sub. 'Slight, I'll not work her then.

     Face. It is the common cause; therefore bethink you.
Dol else must know it, as you said.

     Sub. I care not.

     Sur. Senores, porque se tarda tanto?^16

[Footnote 16: "Sirs, why so long delay?"]

     Sub. Faith, I am not fit, I am old.

     Face. That's now no reason, sir.

     Sur. Puede ser de hacer burla de mi amor?^17

[Footnote 17: "Can it be to make sport of my love?"]

     Face. You hear the Don too? by this air I call,
And loose the hinges. Dol!

     Sub. A plague of hell -

     Face. Will you then do?

     Sub. You're a terrible rogue!
I'll think of this. Will you, sir, call the widow?

     Face. Yes, and I'll take her too with all her faults,
Now I do think on't better.

     Sub. With all my heart, sir;
Am I discharg'd o' the lot?

     Face. As you please.

     Sub. Hands.

     [They shake hands.]

     Face. Remember now, that upon any change,
You never claim her.

     Sub. Much good joy and health to you, sir,
Marry a whore! Fate, let me wed a witch first.

     Sur. Por estas honradas barbas -

     Sub. He swears by his beard.
Dispatch, and call the brother too.

     [Exit Face.]

     Sur. Tengo duda, senores, que no me hagan alguna traycion.^19

[Footnote 19: "I fear, sirs, that you are playing me some trick."]

     Sub. How, issue on? yes, praesto, senor. Please you
Enthratha the chambratha, worthy don:
Where if you please the fates, in your bathada,
You shall be soak'd, and strok'd and tubb'd and rubb'd,
And scrubb'd, and fubb'd,^20 dear don, before you go.
You shall in faith, my scurvy baboon don,
He curried, claw'd, and flaw'd,^21 and taw'd,^22 indeed.
I will the heartlier go about it now,
And make the widow a punk so much the sooner,
To be reveng'd on this impetuous Face:
The quickly doing of it is the grace.

[Footnote 20: Cheated.]

[Footnote 21: Cracked.]

[Footnote 22: Soaked, like a hide being tanned.]

     [Exeunt Sub. and Surly.]


Scene IV. Another room in the same.

     [Enter] Face, Kastril, and Dame Pliant

     Face. Come, lady: I knew the doctor would not leave
Till he had found the very nick of her fortune.

     Kas. To be a countess, say you?

     [Face.]^1 A Spanish countess, sir.

[Footnote 1: Folio gives this line also to Kastril.]

     Dame P. Why, is that better than an English countess?

     Face. Better! 'Slight, make you that a question, lady?

     Kas. Nay, she is a fool, captain, you must pardon her.

     Face. Ask from your courtier to your inns-of-court-man,
To your mere milliner; they will tell you all,
Your Spanish jennet is the best horse; your Spanish
Stoop is the best garb;^2 your Spanish beard
Is the best cut; your Spanish ruffs are the best

[Footnote 2: Bodily carriage.]

Wear; your Spanish pavin the best dance;
Your Spanish titillation in a glove
The best perfume: and for your Spanish pike,
And Spanish blade, let your poor captain speak. -
Here comes the doctor.

     [Enter Subtle with a paper]

     Sub. My most honour'd lady,
For so I am now to style you, having found
By this my scheme,^3 you are to undergo
An honourable fortune very shortly,
What will you say now, if some -

[Footnote 3: Horoscope.]

     Face. I ha' told her all, sir,
And her right worshipful brother here, that she shall be
A countess; do not delay 'em, sir; a Spanish countess.

     Sub. Still, my scarce-worshipful captain, you can keep
No secret! Well, since he has told you, madam,
Do you forgive him, and I do.

     Kas. She shall do that, sir;
I'll look to it, 'tis my charge.

     Sub. Well then: nought rests
But that she fit her love now to her fortune.

     Dame P. Truly I shall never brook a Spaniard.

     Sub. No.?

     Dame P. Never sin' eighty-eight^4 could I abide 'em,
And that was some three years afore I was born, in truth.

[Footnote 4: i.e., since 1588, the year of the "Invincible Armada."]

     Sub. Come, you must love him, or be miserable;
Choose which you will.

     Face. By this good rush, persuade her,
She will cry^5 strawberries else within this twelve month.

[Footnote 5: Sell on the street.]

     Sub. Nay, shads and mackerel, which is worse.

     Face. Indeed, sir!

     Kas. God's lid, you shall love him, or I'll kick you.

     Dame P. Why,
I'll do as you will ha' me, brother.

     Kas. Do,
Or by this hand I'll maul you.

     Face. Nay, good sir,
Be not so fierce.

     Sub. No, my enraged child;
She will be rul'd. What, when she comes to taste
The pleasures of a countess! to be courted -

     Face. And kiss'd, and ruffled!

     Sub. Ay, behind the hangings.

     Face. And then come forth in pomp!

     Sub. And know her state!

     Face. Of keeping all th' idolaters of the chamber
Barer to her, than at their prayers!

S     Sub. Is served
Upon the knee!

     Face. And has her pages, ushers,
Footmen, and coaches -

     Sub. Her six mares -

     Face. Nay, eight!

     Sub. To hurry her through London, to th' Exchange,^6
Bethlem,^7 the China-houses^8 -

[Footnote 6: There were shops in the Royal Exchange.]

[Footnote 7: The madhouse was often visited for entertainment.]

[Footnote 8: Shops with merchandise from China.]

     Face. Yes, and have
The citizens gape at her, and praise her tires,^9
And my lord's goose-turd^10 bands, that rides with her!

[Footnote 9: Head-dresses.]

[Footnote 10: In greenish-yellow liveries.]

     Kas. Most brave! By this hand, you are not my suster
If you refuse.

     Dame P. I will not refuse, brother.

     [Enter Surly]

     Sur. Que es esto, senores, que non se venga?
Esta tardanza me mata!^11

[Footnote 11: "Why doesn't she come, sirs? This delay is killing me."]

     Face. It is the count come:
The doctor knew he would be here, by his art.

     Sub. En gallanta madama, Don! gallantissima!

     Sur. Por todos los dioses, la mas acabada hermosura, que he visto en ma
vida!^12

[Footnote 12: "By all the gods, the most perfect beauty I have seen